Revealed: Coleen Rooney Is Better Than Zlatan Ibrahimovic at Bowling (But City Flop Beats the Lot!)

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Forget the Premier League! There's only one genuine sporting competition worth talking about in Manchester, and it's the hotly contested battle for supremacy at All Star Lanes. 

For a long time, the VIP bowling alley has been the true battleground for footballers in Manchester, with rivalries fiercer than any seen on the football pitch.

So while Manchester City continue their tedious procession to the comparitively meaningless league title, players have been forced to turn their attentions to the prestigious bowling outlet to exact their revenge.

And that's exactly what the former United midfielder Morgan Schneiderlin did on Thursday night, propelling himself to an impressive second place on the illustrious leaderboard, but falling just short in his efforts to topple the current champion, Micah "Kingpin" Richards. 

In even more shocking news, the announcement of his accomplishments on social media revealed the table in its entirety, with Zlatan Ibrahimovic inconceivably ranked lower than Coleen Rooney.

The self-proclaimed 'lion' Zlatan is currently languishing in fifth last, boasting a meager 108 points in comparison to Coleen's admirable 113, and Richards' staggering 197. 

Further revelations uncover Kevin De Bruyne's implausible ability to be average at something, remarkably only the 10th name on the hallowed list, at last offering Jose Mourinho a morsel of vindication.

Without further ado, here is the list in full:

1

Micah Richards 

197

2

Morgan Schneiderlin

189

3

Ederson / Ashley Young

185*

4

Luke Shaw

176

5

Alan Halsall / Jesse Lingard

174*

6

Tom Cleverley / Marcus Rashford

170*

7

Kevin De Bruyne

160

8

Wayne Rooney

159

9

Danny Welbeck / Joe Hart

148*

10

Joe Thomas

144

11

Michael Buble

143

12

Fernandinho / Anthony Martial

136*

13

Gareth Gates / Jack Whitehall

132*

14

John Thomson / Gary Neville

121*

15

Tom Ogden

115

16

Juan Mata / Jorgie Porter

114

17

Coleen Rooney

113

18

Mario Balotelli

110

19

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

108

20

Paddy Mcguiness

106

21

Rihanna

82

22

Drake 

78

23

Lady Gaga

69