Forget the Premier League! There's only one genuine sporting competition worth talking about in Manchester, and it's the hotly contested battle for supremacy at All Star Lanes.
For a long time, the VIP bowling alley has been the true battleground for footballers in Manchester, with rivalries fiercer than any seen on the football pitch.
So while Manchester City continue their tedious procession to the comparitively meaningless league title, players have been forced to turn their attentions to the prestigious bowling outlet to exact their revenge.
And that's exactly what the former United midfielder Morgan Schneiderlin did on Thursday night, propelling himself to an impressive second place on the illustrious leaderboard, but falling just short in his efforts to topple the current champion, Micah "Kingpin" Richards.
In even more shocking news, the announcement of his accomplishments on social media revealed the table in its entirety, with Zlatan Ibrahimovic inconceivably ranked lower than Coleen Rooney.
The self-proclaimed 'lion' Zlatan is currently languishing in fifth last, boasting a meager 108 points in comparison to Coleen's admirable 113, and Richards' staggering 197.
Further revelations uncover Kevin De Bruyne's implausible ability to be average at something, remarkably only the 10th name on the hallowed list, at last offering Jose Mourinho a morsel of vindication.
Without further ado, here is the list in full:
Ederson / Ashley Young
Alan Halsall / Jesse Lingard
Tom Cleverley / Marcus Rashford
Kevin De Bruyne
Danny Welbeck / Joe Hart
Fernandinho / Anthony Martial
Gareth Gates / Jack Whitehall
John Thomson / Gary Neville
Juan Mata / Jorgie Porter