Revealed: Coleen Rooney Is Better Than Zlatan Ibrahimovic at Bowling (But City Flop Beats the Lot!)

Forget the Premier League! There's only one genuine sporting competition worth talking about in Manchester, and it's the hotly contested battle for supremacy at All Star Lanes. 

For a long time, the VIP bowling alley has been the true battleground for footballers in Manchester, with rivalries fiercer than any seen on the football pitch.

So while Manchester City continue their tedious procession to the comparitively meaningless league title, players have been forced to turn their attentions to the prestigious bowling outlet to exact their revenge.

And that's exactly what the former United midfielder Morgan Schneiderlin did on Thursday night, propelling himself to an impressive second place on the illustrious leaderboard, but falling just short in his efforts to topple the current champion, Micah "Kingpin" Richards. 

In even more shocking news, the announcement of his accomplishments on social media revealed the table in its entirety, with Zlatan Ibrahimovic inconceivably ranked lower than Coleen Rooney.

The self-proclaimed 'lion' Zlatan is currently languishing in fifth last, boasting a meager 108 points in comparison to Coleen's admirable 113, and Richards' staggering 197. 

Further revelations uncover Kevin De Bruyne's implausible ability to be average at something, remarkably only the 10th name on the hallowed list, at last offering Jose Mourinho a morsel of vindication.

Without further ado, here is the list in full:

1	Micah Richards	197
2	Morgan Schneiderlin	189
3	Ederson / Ashley Young	185*
4	Luke Shaw	176
5	Alan Halsall / Jesse Lingard	174*
6	Tom Cleverley / Marcus Rashford	170*
7	Kevin De Bruyne	160
8	Wayne Rooney	159
9	Danny Welbeck / Joe Hart	148*
10	Joe Thomas	144
11	Michael Buble	143
12	Fernandinho / Anthony Martial	136*
13	Gareth Gates / Jack Whitehall	132*
14	John Thomson / Gary Neville	121*
15	Tom Ogden	115
16	Juan Mata / Jorgie Porter	114
17	Coleen Rooney	113
18	Mario Balotelli	110
19	Zlatan Ibrahimovic	108
20	Paddy Mcguiness	106
21	Rihanna	82
22	Drake	78
23	Lady Gaga	69