The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter for an infinite amount of time will produce any text, such as the entirety of William Shakespeare's works - or yet another Manchester United transfer rumour.
Although this time, for a change, it's about players leaving Old Trafford. It doesn't stop there though, oh no, and we've also got some rumours coming out of Spain and Germany to keep things fresh.
So without babbling on any further, here's your roundup all of things transfer related for today.
Rafael Benitez Keen on Juan Mata Reunion
As is clearly abundantly evident, unless you've been living under a rock for quite some time, Benitez isn't blessed with a shedload of money in the north east. The deciding factor on whether he opts to stay with Newcastle hinges on Mike Ashley's willingness to unzip his Sports Direct trackie bottoms and splash a bit of cash.
Well, either way, The Sun claim Benitez fancies a one particular player who would be available for diddly squat this summer, as Mata's United contract is set to expire. He can't get too carried away though, as if the Magpies were to lure Mata to the north east it would break certain club policies of signing players over 26. Furthermore, the Spaniard would be asking for considerable wages to switch to St. James' Park.
Benitez worked with Mata when he managed Chelsea during the 2012/13 season and is eager to add his creative spark to his squad.
Wolves & West Ham After Cardiff's Spanish Loan Signing
It didn't end well for Cardiff this season, as relegation was confirmed to the Championship at the first time of asking.
The one player who seemingly caught the eye, however, wasn't even one of their permanent players. Victor Camarasa was the club's joint top scorer with five goals during the 2018/19 season, enough to prompt duo Wolves and West Ham to fancy bringing the Real Betis player back to the Premier League.
His one-year loan stint in Wales seems to have done him some favours according to the Daily Mail, with a possible return to England on the cards.
Inter Unsurprisingly Don't Agree With Manchester United's Valuation of Matteo Darmian
For the 100th time there are suggestions that Darmian might return to Italy with Inter, yet again, willing to offer the right back a one-way ticket out of his miserable four-year stint at Old Trafford.
FC inter News state that the Serie A outfit are back in towards 29-year-old Darmian who has mustered just 14 league appearances in the past two seasons.
Naturally, United are keen on a refund for the player they paid £12.7m for but the €10-12m they're asking for is double Inter's valuation. Poor, poor Darmian, although with the player earning €3m net maybe he could fund the move himself? Ha, fat chance.
Arsenal Eyeing Goalkeeping Reinforcements With Unknown Bundesliga 2 Player
Hats off if you had heard of Markus Schubert before you just read his name, because you clearly know too much about football. Or, you are a Dynamo Dresden fan.
Petr Cech's departure from not just Arsenal but playing football entirely is just one match away, and Unai Emery is keen on making a swift move to replace the legendary Czech by scooping up the 20-year-old on a free transfer, according to Bild. Schubert has run down his deal with Dresden therefore offers the Gunners with the kind of move that suits their pitiful transfer budget.
Highly regarded in his native Germany, the goalkeeper made 43 appearances for the second-tier side this season, keeping 12 clean sheets in the process.
Barcelona Toying With the Option of Filipe Luis as Jordi Alba Backup
Blessed with talent across the pitch, it's hardly like Barcelona need to go gung-ho in signing players worth upwards of £60m. Except, they already have, and, it looks likely that they will again.
Well, either way, there is no need to spend any more money in transfer fees if Sport are to be believed - with the club are mulling over the free signing of Filipe Luis who is set t leave La Liga rivals Atletico. The Brazilian left back is out of contract with Los Rojiblancos and seeking a new challenge, so bench warming at the Camp Nou might tickles his tastebuds.
Alba is unquestionably the number one but, even at 33 years old, Luis would offer the Spaniard a chance for a rest every now and then after several seasons of solid displays in the top leagues.
Bayern Munich Have 'Agreement in Principle' for Everton's Forgotten Man Henry Onyekuru
Everton are crying out for a talented, goalscoring forward, but have seemingly failed to see what is right in front of them.
Onyekuru joined from Eupen back in 2017 for £7m before immediately being sent on loan to Anderlecht. There, he netted ten times before Galatasaray took note of the Nigerian's ability and he joined them for the 2018/19 campaign.
He has torn it up in the Super Lig, netting 12 league goals in 26 games, showcasing a real eye for goal. Now, Kewse Sports' Colin Udoh claims Bayern have an 'agreement' to sign the player and that a deal is 'close'. You don't get pinched by the Bundesliga champions if you're rubbish, yet still Marco Silva would prefer to persist with Cenk Tosun up front. Go figure.
Watford Striker Offered Huge Wages to Join Schalke
Watford's Dodi Lukebakio has garnered some attention after successful loan stint for Fortuna Dusseldorf this season.
11 goals in 23 outings is a fair return for the 21-year-old Belgian, as fellow German side Schalke are looking to offer the winger a deal with significant financial benefits. SportBild, as relayed by Sport Witness, claim Die Knappen have 'promised' to blow his current €500k-per-year wages out of the water and attempt to lure him to Gelsenkirchen with a basic salary that could reach €5m.
Watford are after a €20m fee to part with the player they brought in from Anderlecht, which could act as a slight stumbling block for the Bundesliga side, however.