Another week of football, another week of extraordinary patter. Both intentional and otherwise.
Between Manchester United, Arsenal, Sheffield United and Celtic all continuing to exist, there has been a lot to dissect on football twitter, so let's get straight in at the deep end.
Harry Maguire Forgetting He's Captain
They say there's a lack of leadership at Manchester United at present, and that's hard to dispute when their actual captain for a European game had to be reminded by the referee that he was, in fact, captain.
The world's most expensive defender took himself on a walk into the middle of the park prior to kick-off, as Partizan Belgrade goalkeeper Vladimir Stojkovic looked on, befuddled, alongside the officials.
When he did eventually arrive on the scene, the question of 'side or kick-off' seemed to test his intellect, but he got there in the end. Just like United, really, who won the match 1-0, in the very least convincing manner imaginable.
Are we believing his excuse for it? I don't think we are.
Liverpool Will Be Back
Arnold Schwarzenegger has revealed he is a fan of Liverpool and is backing Jurgen Klopp's side to defeat Tottenham Hotspur.— Anfield Watch (@AnfieldWatch) October 25, 2019
“I like Liverpool. They are not always successful but the momentum is there right now. When they say 'I'll be back', they are back."https://t.co/oFOsSd2BGy
There are many things I don't expect to see on my Friday scroll through football Twitter, but Arnold Schwarzenegger giving his support to Liverpool, predicated on the fact he can apply his famous 'Terminator' line to their current resurgence? Takes the biscuit, I have to say.
And as if we weren't deep enough into the Twilight Zone, the other half of the city then chose to remind us that's all fine, because they have a ringing endorsement of their own.
Liverpool might now be including Schwarzenegger as 'one of their own' but Big Blue Sylvester Stallone had the time of his life waving his Everton scarf around Goodison. And who is going to tell Arnie that Jurgen Klopp loves the Rocky films?https://t.co/MoVp6Od3wB pic.twitter.com/gGCtSUd4C5— Everton FC News (@LivEchoEFC) October 25, 2019
Let's move this riot on before Jean-Claude Van Damme outs himself as a Tranmere Rovers fan.
Keane on Kane
You know you've landed an absolute stinker of a take when you have to punctuate your sentence with a question like 'what are you all staring at?'
Roy Keane, in his defence, played football in a simpler time, before substitutes were allowed, before rules existed and before the standard goal-frame had a crossbar.
At least he must have, because that's the only reasonable explanation for why he would think the sport is this simple.
Big fan of Roy Keane but what he said about signing Harry Kane is complete poppycock, if only it was that simple.— Stephen (@RedStephen76) October 21, 2019
Or maybe he's just Manchester United's answer to Piers Morgan, spouting intentionally controversial nonsense for no other reason than to get a reaction. You can decide how to take it.
Celtic Fans Enjoying Their Night
Look, I'm not having this man being mocked. Sorry, but I'm not.
If you haven't been in a situation at the football, celebrating a goal so much that your life is actually endangered for a few seconds, then you're doing it all wrong.
It was a huge win for Celtic at Parkhead and puts them in the driving seat to qualify ahead of the Italian giants; I'm happy for this insane Glaswegian man and so too should you be.
Lys Mousset Did What?
Something didn't quite add up about how well Sheffield United had adapted to life in the Premier League. The overlapping centre-backs and all that; a mad concept that really shouldn't work in the top flight, but just seems to, for reasons no-one can really explain.
Well, now we have our answer. Chris Wilder, it seems, got a bit excited in his post-match interview after conquering Arsenal, thanks to Lys Mousset's first-half strike. In doing so, he accidentally let the secret slip: methamphetamine.
The word is out, Chris, no more of your lies. Announce drug testing, @PremierLeague.