The Life Of Reilly It's Your Life, but I'm Keeping Score

November 02, 1998

Here's the official points system. No substitutions, please.
First to 1,000 wins.

You meet heavyweight champ Evander Holyfield (+10).
You meet heavyweight champ Evander Holyfield because he's in bed
with your girlfriend (-30)...
...and you still ask for his autograph (-50).

You beat the blue Ford to the best parking place (+2).
You beat the blue Ford to the best parking place by driving 188
mph (+20...
...at the Daytona 500 (+50).

You make a hole in one (+25).
You make a hole in one by skulling a driver on a 55-yard par 3
(+15...
...but only after banking it off the ball washer, an elm and a
1977 Toyota Corolla (+1).

You never once violate the 24-second clock (+5)...
...on your honeymoon (-25).

As a defensive end you get within spitting distance of John Elway
several times in a game (+10).
You get within spitting distance of Hardy Nickerson several times
in a game (-10).

Your 22-year-old son finally wins a national title (+40)...
...at the College Cheerleading Championships (-10).

Everybody else at your table is losing at poker (+5).
Everybody else at your table is losing at strip poker (+25).
Everybody else at your table is losing at strip poker and is a
member of the Danish Olympic lap-dancing team (+50).

You'd die to win an Olympic gold medal (0).
You did die to win an Olympic gold medal (0).

You were the first pick in the 1968 NBA draft (0).
You were the first pick in the 1988 NBA draft (+50).
You were the first pick in the 1998 NBA draft (-100).

You have three doubles and a triple before the seventh inning
(+10).
You have three doubles and a triple before the 5th hole (-20).
You have three doubles and a triple before work (-50).

Somehow you've gotten yourself into a match of wits, and the
loser has to commit hara-kiri with a Ginsu knife (-100)...
...but your opponent is Bruce Bochy (+100).

Subtract 5 points for every Beanie Baby Night you attended.
Subtract 25 points for every Beanie Baby Night you attended
without telling your eight-year-old daughter.
Subtract 50 points for every Beanie Baby you keep under your
pillow.

You dance naked, scream wildly and spray champagne after winning
the title (+22)...
...in your fantasy football league (-10)...
...and you're home alone (-30).

You take three Emmys (+40)...
...but they tackle you sprinting for the exit (-30).

You go to a tennis match (+1)...
...curvy Russian star Anna Kournikova recognizes you in the huge
center court crowd (+30)...
...and immediately calls security (-50).

You win your sixth NBA title (+125)...
...against the Utah Jazz (0).

You work out daily (+20).
You shovel the snow off your own driveway (+10).
You use a snowblower and then drive 10 miles to a health club to
work out on the snow shoveling machine (-10).

You dunk nine times, throw lots of nasty elbows and heave your
shirt into the crowd before you're finally tossed out (+20)...
...of Krispy Kreme (-20).

COLOR PHOTO: DANA FINEMAN/SYGMA [Rick Reilly]
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)