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Tommy (Dis) Troy
SUPERSTAR ALL-PRO MULTIMILLIONAIRE
THE DISH ON 'DIS'!
FUN FACTS ABOUT ME
--Size: 6'6", 250.
--Birthday: March 11.
--Favorite Quote: "I swear that's not mine. It's Coach Switzer's."
--Tattoos: Black swan on right biceps, Chairman Mao on left,
Janet Reno on butt. (That was an accident. Who doesn't know
"Janet" means Jackson?)
February 14, 2000
MEET MY POSSE
--Doc: We were in high school together. He handles my schedule.
Reach him on his cell: 555-2322
--Lil' Doc: We were in high school together, too. Also handles
my schedule. Reach him in his cell: Block D-2, number 87,
--Double Dog Dirt: Cleaned my high school. Drives me to my
schedule, ever since I got nailed for that DUI.
THE WOMEN IN MY LIFE
Click to see pictures of my
HO'S BITCHES WIFE
MY FAVORITE LINKS
BUY MY MERCHAN-'DIS'!
Click to see what to wear
--on draft day.
--to a press conference.
--at your arraignment.
CHECK OUT MY GARAGE!
--Wanna drag? Any one of my three Porsche 996 Coupes are
terrific for tearing down the shoulder of the Dan Ryan
Expressway at 108 mph. And who needs seat belts when you've
got air bags, right?
--Wanna getaway? The coolest new getaway vehicles aren't
cars, they're limousines! Nothing's more fly these days
than fleeing a crime scene in my Lincoln Navigator
14-person stretch! Hey, when you're trying to cap a guy at
60 mph, you need a lot of windows to choose from!
--Need trunk space? When the heat is on and you're in
hiding, you're not gonna want a spare and a jack digging
into your back. That's why I keep a 2000 Cadillac DeVille
handy. It's got enough trunk to fit you and your accomplices!
HANG WITH 'DIS'!
--You can spend one afternoon a week with me! Just show up
at community services headquarters any Saturday and help me
work off some of my 400 hours from that bogus stalking
charge! (Since when is watching a chick sleep a crime?)
'DIS' ON DIS AND DAT!
My Two Cents
--On role models--I'm not sure what this means, but I know one
thing: I don't sign on game day, O.K.? Only model I want to roll
is Angie Everhart, you down?
--On parenting--My accountant handles all that.
--On heroes--Some reporter asked me the other day, if I could
talk to any athlete, living or dead, who would it be? And I
said, "The living one, fool!" Damn!
TIP FOR THE KIDS
Invest your bonus in an aggressive-growth mutual fund.
Don't worry about short-term risk, because you have a long
Q: Dis, how could you be caught by East St. Louis police at 4
a.m. with three hookers, two grams of crack and a bong?
A: My transmission slipped.
--and seizure. (How to swallow the glove-box key before the
cop's banging on your window.)
--warrants. (Dude, at this point, even Judge Judy can't help.)
--me. (My top 10 frisk postures.)
E-mail Dis! At firstname.lastname@example.org (Looks like I'll have the next
five to 10 years pretty much free.)