Subway Confidential Psst! Here's the lowdown on Big Apple doings from the Series that Mr. and Mrs. America love to hate

October 30, 2000

WE HEAR...That the Subway Series has chins wagging in the Big
Apple...That tabloids, TV and talk radio have all gone gaga in
Gotham...That the "Bombers" and "Amazin's" have turned back the
Timex to 1956--when hurlers still twirled no-nos, batsmen legged
out bingles, sacks were pilfered, horsehides were clouted,
sluggers slugged, skippers skipped, scribes scribbled, and the
grand ol' game was the talk of the town.

OVERHEARD...That leggy starlet Sarah Jessica Parker (Yanks fan)
and actor hubby Matthew Broderick (Metropolitans) could be
Splitsville before this Series is kaput...That laff-riot Billy
Crystal (Bombers) and rival funnyman Jerry Seinfeld (Amazin's)
won't soon swap yuks at the Friars Club...That YOU don't give a
fig about the self-absorbed citizens of New York and their
arcane tabloid argot...That Demo prez hopeful Al Gore wrestling
GOP veep candidate Dick Cheney--naked, greased up in Paul
Newman's Own Oil & Vinegar--is more appealing, televisually, to
most Americans than this interborough tilt of titans...But I've
got a secret...A little bird tells me...Pssst, come closer:
Gothamites don't care what you think...CITY TO NATION: DROP DEAD.

SPIED...In last Friday's Daily News, this matter-of-fact photo
caption: "Many around U.S. (aka The Losers) are lashing out at
an all-New York Series." Mr. and Mrs. America--and all our ships
at sea--that's what you are to New Yorkers:
Losers...Nowheresville...Flyoverland.

SPOTTED...Pinstripes heartthrob Derek Jeter, at hot spot One51,
getting thisclose to Bombay beauty Lara Dutta, a.k.a. Miss
Universe...Amazin's backstop Mike Piazza, at Bambu in South
Beach, getting thisclose to Peruvian pinup Darlene Bernaola,
a.k.a. Playboy's Playmate of the Millennium...YOU, at IHOP,
getting thisclose to tossing your waffles if forced to read one
more word about "Bombers" and "Amazin's" who "canoodle" with
"galpals" at "in-spots."

SUBWAY FATIGUE...Scribe Tony Kornheiser, on the Don Imus radio
gabfest: "Everybody's gonna write that column about riding the 7
train, and by the time the Series starts, nobody in America's
gonna care anymore."...Christopher (Mad Dog) Russo, on his WFAN
radio chin-wag: "I don't know if this Series is gonna translate
in Peoria."...Real live Peorian Bill Liesse, in the Peoria
Journal-Star: "Two teams that couldn't win a game in September
are in the World Series. Clearly, the new century has brought
the most flawed set of postseason teams of my lifetime."

NEVERTHELESS...The New York faithful are really standing by
their diamond faves...Witness this exchange, between a reporter
from Gotham cable channel New York 1, and a little girl at
Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary School in Queens, where the
principal just happens to be Sister Marguerite Torre--whose kid
brother Joe helms the Bombers:

Reporter (cooing): "And how old are you?"

Little Girl (nervously): "Five."

Reporter: "And how long have you been a Yankees fan?"

Little Girl (earnestly): "The whole week." (And no, folks, her
name isn't Hillary Clinton.)

GOLD GUV...All the pols around town are talkin' baseball this
week, not only the First Missus...Take this zinger, zung by GOP
prexy hopeful George W. Bush, during a white-tie dinner at the
Waldorf. "New York is full of major leaguers," sez the Guv,
"like Derek Jeter, Mike Piazza--and Adam Clymer." (Big time!)

MORE DUBYA...A Mets partisan, sounding off on WFAN, offers
the following suggestion to the Bombers: "Send Clemens back to
Texas, so Bush can have him executed." (Yessir, sports fans, this
Subway Series is bringing Gothamites together!)

AND FINALLY...Cheer up, America...There is a silver lining to an
all-Apple Fall Classic...As Hizzoner, Rudy Giuliani, tells
Broadway funnyman David Letterman: "Just think what this is
doing to John Rocker."

COLOR ILLUSTRATION: DAN PICASSO

HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)