Immodest Proposals Here's how, we imagine, some sports stars would pop the question in their own imitable style

November 06, 2000

"His was a modest marriage proposal," SI recently reported of
Jets receiver Wayne Chrebet, who one night in September lit a
candle, took a knee, cleared his throat, gazed into the eyes of
girlfriend Amy Wick and said the words she longed to hear: "So,
do you have my back?"

Uncertain whether Chrebet was asking her to marry him or to frag
Charlie for him the next time they're in Nam, Wick nevertheless
said yes, suggesting that love not only is blind, but also has
selective hearing. Makes you wonder, doesn't it, how other
smooth-talking sports figures pop the question.

"You're the one I want to spend the rest of my week with."
--Dennis Rodman

"Herschel Walker loves you more than Herschel Walker can say...."
--Herschel Walker

"May I have this lap dance for the rest of my life?"
--Darryl Strawberry

"You make me dizzier than Jennifer Tilly huffing paint fumes in
a centrifuge, babe. I need you like Jim Leyland needs a Nicoderm
unitard, O.K.? Folks, my heart is beating faster than Buddy Rich
backing up the Chipmunks. I'm shakin' like Katharine Hepburn
playing maracas in the Kobe earthquake...."
--Dennis Miller

"Let's have children right away; I'm famished."
--Mike Tyson

"I've only felt this way 20,000 other times."
--Wilt Chamberlain

"My client has asked me to ask you to marry him. You have until
November 15 to counteroffer, after which we will open
negotiations to any and all other interested parties...."
--Attorney for Alex Rodriguez

"Shall we conjoin in connubial congress?"
--Don King

"If God should bless us with a child--and should a court of law
prove my paternity, and should I be served with a subpoena, and
should you successfully enforce that court order--I promise to
be the best father on Earth."
--Larry Johnson

"Marry me, and every night will be like this: prom night."
--Luis Polonia

"Will you wear this ice and be my ho, till one of us gets
capped, so help you, Dog?"
--Allen Iverson

"Before you answer, I'd like to thank the good folks at Tiffany
for providing me with this ring, all my friends over at the
Men's Wearhouse who dressed me up real nice, and of course the
entire team here at Le Petit Escargot, without whom this entire
proposal would have been impossible."
--Bobby Labonte

"How would you like to be Mrs. Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean
Jacque Wamutombo?"
--Dikembe Mutombo
Mpolondo Mukamba
Jean Jacque Wamutombo

"I'm not gonna tell you this again, sweetheart: To you, I'm
Coach Knight or Mr. Knight. Now, what did you say your answer
was?"
--Bob Knight

"So there's a slight age difference. But look at it this way:
When you're a sophomore, I'll be a Senior."
--Nick Faldo

"Next!"
--Steve Garvey

COLOR ILLUSTRATION: DAN PICASSO
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)