What? You haven't seen Playboy.com's Choose America's Sexiest
Sportscaster poll? Voters decide which of 10 women is the hottest
sportscaster in America. So far, more than 150,000 fans have
weighed in, and you can vote through Jan. 14. It's the most
popular Internet poll Playboy has ever done--by an E cup. The
winner (perhaps, Playboy says, the top three finishers) will be
offered a nude pictorial in the magazine at a rumored $1 million.
Of course, it's stupid, sexist and unfair. An entire group of
dedicated journalists are being trampled here: male
Why don't they get a crack at the million? It's not called the
Sexiest Female Sportscaster poll, right? And it's not as if
Playboy asked for Hannah Storm's or Melissa Stark's or anybody
else's permission to use their names and photos next to cheesy
thumbnails such as, "What we'd give to see Melissa starkers." No,
Playboy's editors just sat around in their silk pajamas, dreamed
up the list and--voila!--instant objectification.
Well, the plot just thickened, and I'm not talking about ESPN's
Hank Goldberg. Mel Gibson isn't the only one who knows what women
want. Cosmopolitan is starting its own poll for male
sportscasters. (It just doesn't know it yet). Hey, gals, you make
up one third of pro sports TV viewers. Wouldn't you love to see
these 10 10s in nothing but a handheld and an earpiece?
--Chris Berman, ESPN C'mon, a lot of women go for full-figured
men! If he wins, will he wear a loincloth or
will...he...go...all...the...way? Hey, we all love Boomer, but
considering some of the sport jackets he wears, maybe a nude
pictorial isn't such a bad idea.
--Bill Macatee, CBS Women find this brunet "broodingly handsome,"
"hunky" and "outrageous." Plus, he used to be married to a
Playmate of the Year, India Allen, so he already knows his way
around a centerfold.
--Howie Long, Fox Three words: Totally. Nude. Claymation.
--Kenny Mayne, ESPN This former quarterback is practically
begging to go the Full Monty. In one ESPN ad he admits, "The
ladies find me sexy." In another he appeared bare-chested in a
locker room. Has anybody on Playboy.com's list ever done that?
And Kenny's up for our poll. "For equality purposes," he says, "I
think this is the right thing to do."
--Nick Charles, CNN/SI The muscles in women's jaws tend to give
out when this stud muffin hits the cathode-ray tube. I mean, if
Playboy can turn CNN/SI colleague Inga Hammond into an
involuntary sex symbol--she's described as "seductive" on the
website--why not Slick Nick? "In that coat and tie," one woman
gushed, "he looks like the before picture of a Chippendales
--Keith Olbermann, Fox Hey, a lot of women like the brainy type.
And remember, Olbermann cowrote a book called The Big Show. Guess
we'll see about that.
--John Madden, Fox How can you not include America's most popular
sportscaster in this poll? How about a documentary with the big
fella nude in his bus traveling across America? Imagine the
tattoos you never thought you'd see! Photo viewing bonus: 3-D
--Dennis Miller, ABC I don't want to get off on a rant here, but
if Monday Night Football's Stark can be put through this, why not
Miller? Hey, babe, what say we pose you at the confluence of the
Tigris and Euphrates clad in only a beaver pelt and eye black,
reading passages from Semi-Tough in a John Facenda baritone?
Women will be on you like the 90%-off pashmina rack at Bloomie's!
--Jerry Glanville, CBS People are criticizing Glanville's CBS
colleague Jill Arrington for wearing tank tops on air, but nobody
jumps on Glanville's Hell's Angels getup. Picture it: the coach
who moonlights as a race driver decked out in leather boots and
dog collar on the back of a Harley--a mini-Rodman.
--Dan Hicks, NBC If Storm can be dragged into a babe-off, why
can't her husband get hauled into a hunk-off? "I'd vote for him,"
says Storm, who's third in the Playboy poll despite being eight
months pregnant and slightly larger than a Wendy's. "I get to see
him naked all the time."
Hey, fellas, don't think of this poll as demeaning and
condescending. Think of it as a whole new kind of exposure!
Fans, vote now and get a bonus centerfold of Mike Ditka posing
butt-naked with his cigar.
(God, I hope that's a cigar.)
handheld and an earpiece?