The Show

December 09, 2002

For those who watched the Macy's Parade, there was no Butterbean
balloon this year. That was Butterbean.

GIANTS ROOKIE RECEIVER TIM CARTER VICTIM OF CARJACKING He
surrendered all his valuables, was held against his will for 3
1/2 hours, then given $40 in cash and forced out onto the street.
You know, outside of the $40 rebate, it sounds like the Giants'
season ticket plan.

Meanwhile, NBC aired the National Dog Show opposite the
Lions-Patriots game. I kept flipping back and forth, and at one
point I could swear I saw the back judge checking Tom Brady's
teeth.

John Madden had a quiet Thanksgiving. It was just him, the Ace
Hardware Man and the six-legged turkey.

Minnesota has lost 16 straight away from home. So Randy Moss
isn't the only Viking who has trouble on the road.

NEBRASKA FINISHES WORST REGULAR SEASON IN 41 YEARS The Huskers
went 7--6. They aren't even allowed to watch the Fiesta Bowl.

In other college news USC routed Notre Dame 44--13. But don't
worry, the Irish can remain BCS eligible by crediting the loss to
Bob Davie.

And FSU quarterback Adrian McPherson was suspended from the team
and was arrested for stealing a blank check. Not only that, he
tried to reopen Peter Warrick's shoplifting account at Dillard's.

JORDAN SAYS THIS WILL BE HIS LAST YEAR However, under league
rules, you can still try to extort money from him until 2005.

In other NBA news Allen Iverson says he's now afraid to stay in
Philadelphia. Turns out six members of his posse had sinus
problems and moved to Arizona.

Are you like me? Are you thinking if two more Blazers get
arrested, they'll have enough for a lineup?

METS MIGHT OWE NEW YORK CITY $1 MILLION IN BACK RENT ON SHEA
STADIUM They insist it's not their problem anymore. They put the
lease in Art Howe's name.

The Red Sox dropped out early in the running to sign free agent
Tom Glavine. The deal fell through when Boston couldn't guarantee
him a fourth year as Joe Thornton's left wing.

COMPAQ CENTER IN SAN JOSE RENAMED THE HP PAVILION By Christmas
the Zamboni will be redesigned to look like a giant inkjet
printer.

In other hockey news I'm not sure if this will attract more fans,
but the Mighty Ducks are running a new promotion: Come as Your
Favorite Disney Cruise Stomach Virus Symptom.

MODERN PENTATHLON REMAINS IN OLYMPICS, FOR NOW It was very close
to being dropped from the Games. The IOC's problem: too many
events, not enough bribe money.

The modern pentathlon consists of cross-country running,
swimming, fencing, shooting and horseback riding. Originally the
Olympic committee wanted to eliminate fencing and replace it with
shopping.

George Michael has been tapped to compose a theme song for the
2004 Games. Good for him. Nice to see George tapped by someone
other than a cop in a public restroom.

LENNOX LEWIS TO DEFEND WBC TITLE AGAINST VITALI KLITSCHKO Vitali
is the No. 1--ranked contender. And the No. 2--ranked Klitschko.

CURTIS STRANGE IN CAST AFTER ELBOW SURGERY Sounds like God lost a
bet on the Ryder Cup.

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy David Soul.

COLOR ILLUSTRATION: JEFF WONG (ILLUSTRATION)

HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)