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The Show

Dec. 23, 2002
Dec. 23, 2002

Table of Contents
Dec. 23, 2002

Pro Basketball

The Show

I forgot to get the Sunday papers. Help me out here. How many
Heisman votes did Carson Daly get?

This is an article from the Dec. 23, 2002 issue Original Layout

RETURN OF THE ROSE? Pete Rose met with Bud Selig three weeks ago.
They could only agree on one thing: The J.Lo--Ben Affleck
marriage won't last.

Insiders believe there's been some progress. Now Pete can get
reinstated if he admits he's been dyeing his hair.

When Rose met with Selig he was accompanied by former Phillies
teammate Mike Schmidt. Well, sure. He needed someone to drive him
in.

In other baseball news the Red Sox have added two sock-shaped
mascots for next season, Lefty and Righty. Theo Epstein signed
them out of his play group.

The winter meetings started slowly. The big news the first day?
John Henry Williams got his dad's head an endorsement deal with
Slush Puppy.

The Reds were desperate. General manager Jim Bowden flew in
Michael Jackson to dangle Ken Griffey Jr.

NFL EXTENDS DEAL WITH DIRECTV FIVE MORE YEARS Gee, I don't know
if the wire I attached to my neighbor's dish will last that long.

In other NFL news, Rich Gannon is nearing a slew of records.
However, none of them will be recognized until he does a lame
commercial for Isotoner gloves.

Giants receiver Ron Dixon was suspended for one game without pay
for conduct detrimental to the team. He missed a couple of team
meetings and microwaved Jim Fassel's two-point conversion chart.

By the way, who came up with that two-point chart, Casey Kasem?

The league has moved the starting times of the Jan. 19 conference
finals up to 3 p.m. and 6:30 p.m. Great. Now schoolkids will have
to stay up till 10:00 to watch 60 Minutes.

Arizona tight end Justin Levasseur awaits trial after being
busted with 87 pounds of marijuana. Eighty-seven pounds. Or as
Nate Newton calls it, an appetizer.

Why 87 pounds? Don't hold me to this, but I believe the NFL has
strict rules on this: Tight ends can only be caught with an
amount between 80 and 89.

GRIZZLIES WIN FOUR STRAIGHT Memphis fans are excited. Elvis just
bought four seats on the floor. For him and one guest.

The woman suing Michael Jordan for $5 million claims she was
introduced to him in 1989 by NBA referee Eddie F. Rush. That
explains why before every date MJ had to check in at the scorer's
table.

The Trail Blazers are on pace to lose $100 million this season.
And it could get as high as $115 million if players start jumping
bail.

TIGER WOODS GETS KNEE SCOPED Of course, The New York Times urged
him to skip the surgery and boycott his meniscus.

In a related story, Senate majority leader Trent Lott is out with
a torn ACLU.

Elsewhere, Suzy Whaley has officially announced that she'll
compete in the Greater Hartford Open this summer. It will make
her the first woman to play in a men's tournament in 65 years.
Don't confuse her with Martha Burk, who's the first woman to play
with a men's tournament.

ESPN TELEVISES LEBRON JAMES'S HIGH SCHOOL GAME You know you're
something special when you beat the No. 1 high school team and
two of its starters sign letters of intent to be in your posse.

KEYSHAWN JOHNSON WANTS TO SPLIT WITH HIS WIFE Same complaint as
always from Keyshawn: Not enough touches.

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Orleans.

COLOR ILLUSTRATION: ILLUSTRATION BY JEFF WONG