Tomorrow's News Today!!! With unerring insight and uncanny foresight, BRUCE MCCALL unveils the stories we're sure to see soon

December 30, 2002

Sole Qualifier Tiger Edges Tiger, Tiger, Tiger to Take the
Masters

KIDDIE INVASION TRANSFORMS BASEBALL
Chicago, Aug. 23--Despite new rules instituted by Major League
Baseball to prevent further injuries to the offspring of players,
the sons and daughters of big leaguers

SERENA MISPLACES RACKET, WINS FRENCH OPEN ANYWAY
Paris, June 6--Armed for the women's finals with nothing but her
competitive spirit and two flashing fists, Serena Williams took
the court at Roland Garros yesterday and proved that her bare
hands were enough

"STRETCHLAND" DREAM HOME LURES NBA SUPERSTARS
Las Vegas, Feb. 14--The brochure from Starstretch Developments
calls it "stretch living stretched to the limits." The showpiece
mansion and grounds, created with the superstar athlete in mind,
is an exercise in longitudinal luxury, with stretch beds, stretch
bathtub, even a stretch swimming pool and a 50-foot-long stretch
billiard table

DARING INNOVATION FAILS TO CURB NFL QB INJURY EPIDEMIC
New York, Oct. 13--The three-ton vehicle that was the centerpiece
of the NFL's response to a mounting physical toll on quarterbacks
by behemoth defenders has so far failed to stem the tide of
serious

RETRO BALLPARK TREND ACCELERATES BACKWARD, TO 1904
St. Louis, Mar. 31--Dead Ball Gardens, the Cardinals' new
all-wood 6,000-seat bandbox, in Dead Ball's cozy confines (180
feet to dead center), on-field wire coops in lieu of dugouts, an
outfield rope, billboards advertising long-gone products such as
Moxie and Studebaker,

NASCAR INTERSTATE 500 DRAWS FIRST EIGHT-MILLION CROWD
Indianapolis, Sept. 14--Taking to the nation's highways to
accommodate its ever-growing legion of fans, NASCAR reached
another milestone on Saturday when the Interstate 500 drew a
crowd estimated at more than 8.1 million. Spectators lined the
roads from

NFL ROOKIE BREAKS MAGIC 1/4-TON BARRIER
Cincinnati, July 17--Like the four-minute mile and the two-hour
marathon, the 500-pound lineman has long been considered a
physical impos-joined his team when NFL camps opened today after
tipping scales normally used to weigh grain at 503 pounds here

COLOR ILLUSTRATION: BRUCE MCCALL [T of C] 56 Tomorrow's News Today!!! With uncanny foresight, a noted humorist unveils the 500-pound lineman and other stories we'll see soon by Bruce McCall EIGHT COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS: BRUCE MCCALL

HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)