"I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player."

--PHILLIES FIRST BASEMAN JOHN KRUK, THE LUMPY-BODIED PLAYER FROM
KEYSER WHO BATTED .300 OVER 10 SEASONS DESPITE SHUNNING ALL FORMS
OF EXERCISE (AND WHO PROUDLY DISPLAYED WEST VIRGINIA'S STATE LOGO
ON HIS LOCKER)

COLOR PHOTO: AL TIELEMANS (KRUK)