Say What? The game itself is rarely memorable, but what's uttered before, during and after the Super Bowl often is. Just listen in

February 02, 2004

"If Jesus were alive today, he would be at the Super Bowl," no
less an authority than Norman Vincent Peale said in 1976. --It
wasn't exactly a Christian sentiment, but Raiders defensive end
Lyle Alzado said, "I plan to rip [Joe Jacoby's] lips off" in
Super Bowl XVIII. --How did Jacoby, a Redskins tackle, feel about
having his lips removed? "Hmmm," he said, "it might be an
improvement." --As for cheeks, Bears quarterback Jim McMahon, who
had a bruised buttock, mooned a media helicopter before Super
Bowl XX and explained that he was "just showing them where it
hurt." --Cowboys linebacker Hollywood Henderson (right) intended
to bruise the Steelers' quarterback when he said, "Terry Bradshaw
is so dumb, he couldn't spell cat if you spotted him the c and
the a." --Henderson also lobbed this grenade at Randy Grossman:
"How much respect can you have for a reserve tight end? He's the
guy who comes in when everyone else is dead." --And this one at
linebacker Jack Lambert: "I don't care for the man. He makes more
money than I do, and he don't have no teeth." --The Steelers
responded in kind. During a change of possession, Mean Joe Greene
asked Henderson, "What's a superstar like you doing on a kickoff
team?" --Miami Dolphins kicker Garo Yepremian didn't need
Hollywood Henderson: He dissed himself. After a pathetic pass
attempt (left) following a blocked field goal in Super Bowl VII,
Yepremian said, "This is the first time the goat of the game is
in the winning locker room." --If there was a goat in the press
corps, it was the doofus who said to Raiders quarterback Jim
Plunkett (left) at Super Bowl XV, "I'm having trouble keeping
this straight. Is it dead father, blind mother, or dead mother,
blind father?" --Plunkett replied, "Both my parents were blind,
and my father is dead." --Speaking of parents, Redskins guard
Russ Grimm declared before Super Bowl XVIII, "I'd run over my
mother to win it." --Raiders linebacker Matt Millen agreed. He
said, "I'd run over Grimm's mother too." --The fans, likewise,
recognize the value of the big game. A classified ad in The Miami
Herald before number XXIII read, "I have Super Bowl tickets. Will
trade for a reliable car or truck." --The fan might have wanted,
like Steelers defensive tackle Ernie Holmes, to get out of town.
"I don't like this place," Holmes said of Miami. "People come
here to play golf and die." --Perhaps at the Pearly Gates they
will meet 49ers quarterback Joe Montana. After losing Super Bowl
XXIII to San Francisco, Bengals wideout Cris Collinsworth said,
"Joe Montana is not human. I don't want to call him a god, but
he's definitely somewhere in between." --Only God can see the
future, but humans try anyway. Before Super Bowl III, SI's Tex
Maule confidently predicted, "Colts, 47-0." It was Jets, 16-7. --
Before Super Bowl XXIV, Terry Bradshaw said, "This sucker could
be as bad as 55-3." The 49ers beat the Broncos 55-10, proving
that even if Bradshaw (above, in his playing days) is no genius
at spelling, he's got a pretty good feel for a point spread. --As
for geniuses, Redskins coach Joe Gibbs said, after winning Super
Bowl XXVI, "There have been only two in history, and none of them
has been in football. Michelangelo was one of them, and I forget
who the other was." --Raiders quarterback Daryle Lamonica didn't
sound like Brainiac after number II. "I have no clear
recollection of the first series of downs," he said. "I was that
excited by this ... this ... well, this Super Bowl, if that's
what you want to call it." --Cowboys running back Duane Thomas
didn't sound too excited in 1972. "If it's the ultimate game," he
said, "how come they're playing it again next year?" --Gene Menez


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