The Show

May 30, 2004

Great news. The Green Monster section at Fenway Park is now
available for gay bachelor parties.

2012 OLYMPICS RINGS IN FINAL FIVE The IOC narrowed the list of
potential host cities to Paris, London, New York, Moscow and a
long shot, Troy.

Paris scored the highest among the finalists on the IOC's list of
technical criteria. New York was fourth. Apparently, the IOC was
less than impressed that the city hasn't quite cleared the
traffic from people leaving the 1999 NBA All-Star Game.

Not only that, they'd like the organizers to find a better venue
for boxing than Dick Ebersol's Connecticut guesthouse.

Surprisingly, Rio de Janeiro failed to make the finals. However,
it's now considered the front-runner for the Expos.

BIG UNIT TOSSES PERFECT GAME Randy Johnson set down 27 Atlanta
hitters in a row. It was such a dominant performance that by the
fifth inning Skip Caray stopped referring to the Braves as "we."

Elsewhere the Cubs' Sammy Sosa is out with a sprained ligament in
his lower back. The injury was discovered after two violent
sneezes brought on back spasms. The treatment is rest, ultrasound
and corking his nose.

The Angels still have the best record in baseball despite playing
with five regulars on the DL. That doesn't include the Rally
Monkey, who is out indefinitely after some botched collagen
injections.

First-year Angels owner Arturo Moreno is doing a great job
attracting new fans. He lowered ticket prices and beer prices and
just added an SAP button to the Jumbotron.

LAKERS AND T-WOLVES TIED 1-1 IN WESTERN FINALS Tough start for
Kevin Garnett. He lost home arsenal advantage.

Shaquille O'Neal made 9 of 11 from the line in Game 1 after Phil
Jackson gave him an article about an 80-year-old man who made
more than 3,000 consecutive free throws. An 80-year-old
free-throw-shooting expert? What was his name, Rick Barium?

CHARLES BARKLEY TURNS DOWN OVERTURES FROM MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
What a relief. With him and John Madden yakking in the same
booth, ABC would have had to change Hank Williams Jr.'s lyrics to
"Are you ready for Al Michaels to recap the last six plays?"

Barkley has an exclusive contract with TNT. What does that mean?
He can only be weighed by Ernie Johnson?

NBC SIGNS TWO-YEAR DEAL TO BROADCAST NHL Pretty interesting
premise. Every week Donald Trump locks out another team.

The Peacock will air regular-season NHL games for the first time
in 29 years. (They've hushed this up, but NBC lost the rights in
1975 after its animated mascot, Peter Puck, appeared in the
low-budget porno film Third Man In.)

The Flames are the first Canadian team to reach the finals in 10
years. Or right around the time when Dave Andreychuk started
getting Modern Maturity in the mail.

The Flames and the Lightning had the NHL's 19th-and 21st-highest
payrolls. What do you say, for this year we rename it the Stanley
Cap?

PLAYBOY PLANS UPCOMING PICTORIAL, GIRLS OF NASCAR Actually, it's
one photo: Four babes in heat suits changing the plugs on Mark
Martin's Viagra car.

FREDDY ADU FINISHES HIGH SCHOOL AT 14 I believe he graduated
Magna Cum Nike.

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Poco.

Bill Scheft is creating a midseason reality show for Fox, My Big,
Obnoxious, Steroid-Ingesting Fiancee.

COLOR ILLUSTRATION: ILLUSTRATION BY JEFF WONG

HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)