Good to be back. Arbitrator Roger Kaplan cut my time off from 20 days to two weeks.

Steinbrenner still writing "2004" on checks Did you see New Year's Eve in Times Square? Little different this year. At midnight they dropped Randy Johnson's contract into a vault.

Nice deal for Arizona. In exchange for the Big Unit, the D-Backs got Javier Vazquez and two minor leaguers from the Yankees and 25 brand-new dirt bikes from Oprah.

Is it me, or was the last home-grown prospect to stick in the Yankees' locker room Jason Giambi's and Kevin Brown's intestinal parasite?

San Francisco acquired free-agent closer Armando Benitez. In a related story the Elias Sports Bureau is developing a new statistic: wind-blown saves.

I'm worried about Billy Beane. First, he trades away Tim Hudson and Mark Mulder, now he says the only agent he'll deal with is Arliss.

Texas amaizes Michigan in Rose Bowl Or should that be the Yellow Rose Bowl?

There were so many outstanding offensive plays on both sides, Keith Jackson ran out of down-home lingo and had to call Dan Rather.

Elsewhere, Iowa scored as time expired to beat LSU in the Capital One Bowl. Nick Saban may have been distracted. At one point he tried to replace Marcus Randall with Sage Rosenfels.

Just wondering. Who do you think was overhyped more during Bowl Week, Jennifer Garner or Cal?

The Associated Press announced it was dropping out of the BCS. It will be replaced by Paula Abdul.

Seriously, the AP should be replaced by AAA. Every year the BCS is an accident waiting to happen.

Four NFL playoff spots decided in Week 17 Or as it's known to the Saints, the buhbye week.

The Rams finished 8--8 and made the playoffs on a little-known tiebreaker: record in office shouting matches.

Jets QB Chad Pennington may be starting to crack. During the last three press conferences he's worn a red jersey so the media can't hit him.

Monday Night Football finished with the lowest ratings in its 35-year history. ABC is thinking about renaming it Lost ... Viewers.

Injuries plaguing NBA stars Are you like me? Were you worried doctors were going to reset the broken bone in LeBron James's cheek to look like a Nike swoosh?

Shaquille O'Neal is trying to protect his sore ribs. I believe the last time Shaq had to wear a flak jacket was just before the reviews came out for Kazaam.

Knicks guard Jamal Crawford may miss six weeks with turf toe. Turf toe? In the NBA? What, did he stub it on Elgin Baylor's head?

And call me skeptical, but I won't believe Karl Malone hit on Vanessa Bryant until he buys Kobe an eight-carat diamond.

Meanwhile, the Hornets traded guard David Wesley to the Rockets. Technically, I believe this is known as a cellar's market.

Yasser Arafat invested more than $1 million in bowling alley And I thought I was the only one who was profoundly influenced by The Big Lebowski.

Michael Phelps gets 18 months' probation for DUI This is nice. He'll serve 16 months, then step aside and let Ian Crocker take the last leg.

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Zager and Evans.

Bill Scheft tied for 3rd Low Gross Thread Count at the Tommy Bahama Challenge.


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