The Show

January 17, 2005

So, Jennifer Aniston may have dumped Brad Pitt over his alleged affair with Angelina Jolie. Nice to know they're still running the triangle in L.A.

Super Bowl ad cost reaches $2.4 million for half minute Sounds like a lot, but when you break down the price to $80,000 a second, the thing pays for itself.

A Super Bowl commercial for the cold remedy Airborne was rejected by Fox because Mickey Rooney's naked backside appears briefly. Rooney is in a sauna, jumps up and his towel falls off. Which raises the question, Does Airborne relieve nausea?

The Rams became the first 8--8 team to win a playoff game. Kyle Turley was so excited, he threatened to kiss Mike Martz.

Indy crushed Denver 49--24. Could have been worse. The Broncos could have played USC.

To give you an idea how early the outcome was decided, Peyton Manning thought about taking off at halftime and flying to Hollywood to pick up a People's Choice Award.

After scoring the final touchdown in the Vikings' 31--17 win, Randy Moss pretended to moon the crowd at Lambeau Field. Why couldn't he have done the classy thing, and left early?

Marty Schottenheimer is under a lot of heat for his play-calling in the OT loss to the Jets. Look at the bright side. At least he kept the ball out of the hands of Earnest Byner.

Red Sox to take World Series trophy on tour of Massachusetts Are you like me? Do you think that after three months the trophy will wind up in Doug Mientkiewicz's sock drawer?

Mientkiewicz will not turn over the ball hit for the final out in last year's World Series to Red Sox ownership. It's not his decision. He's doing it on the advice of the ball's agent, Scott Boras.

The Angels have been renamed the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Not only that, they will play their home games in the newly renamed Edison Field of a Baseball Diamond Playing Surface.

Might not be a done deal. For the name change to be official, it still requires 1) approval from the city of Anaheim and 2) the Angels to start sucking again.

Grizzlies win six in a row to go over .500 for first time all season Mike Fratello is now using the telestrator only to write down his Final Jeopardy! answer.

Richard Hamilton became the first player to lead his team in scoring without making a field goal. It's the most dubious record not made by Ashlee Simpson.

Jermaine O'Neal went off for 55 against Milwaukee. Two days later, an arbitrator reduced it to 48.

Congratulations to Carmelo Anthony, who recently got engaged to MTV veejay LaLa Vasquez. Stay with me on this one. He should have Nene give the bride away, so the justice of the peace can say, "LaLa, Nene, kiss her goodbye."

O.J. Simpson attends Orange Bowl And this was nice. He left two tickets at Will Call under "Killers, Real."

Wade Boggs, Ryne Sandberg elected to Hall of FameIn his first year of eligibility Darryl Strawberry received six votes. But he's going to declare only four on his tax return.

Gretzky fears NHL lockout may last two years I won't believe he's really worried until Janet Jones starts going out on auditions again.

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Ambrosia.

Bill Scheft is the author of four fictional trades involving Shawn Green.

COLOR ILLUSTRATIONILLUSTRATION BY JOHN HENDRIX

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