SI: How many episodes of your show have you filmed while on steroids?
Lopez: Let's see. To date, probably four.
SI: Los Angeles Times columnist T.J. Simers paid you two dollars to interpret for an interview with Angels star Vladimir Guerrero. What did you learn about Guerrero?
Lopez: With everything that is going on with athletes--guys who don't want to honor contracts, drugs, race problems--here's a kid who is just about playing baseball. It reminds you that to some people it is still a game.
SI: You're a die-hard Dodgers fan. What was Dodger Stadium like for you as a kid?
Lopez: It was the most beautiful place to be with my grandmother and grandfather. My grandfather and I would only communicate when it was about the Dodgers. We ate together, which we never did at home, and we had a common interest.
SI: In April you checked into the hospital for a kidney transplant as Tom Ace. Ever think about using an alias from the sports world?
Lopez: I would have liked to have gone in as Claude Osteen, but I think it would have been tough for somebody named Claude to get benefits like extra pudding.
SI: Which of your athletic achievements are you most proud of?
Lopez: I tied for third in the 2004 AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am, teaming with Jesper Parnevik. I have the [Waterford] crystal in my house, and every day I walk by and flick it.
SI: Your genetic kidney disease was cured with a transplant from your wife, Ann. If her kidney hadn't been available, how much do you think Terrell Owens would have charged for his?
Lopez: He would have wanted to be paid per heartbeat. I think every time blood got pumped through it, there would be a tariff. --Richard Deitsch