Search

The Unspoken Truth

May 21, 2007
May 21, 2007

Table of Contents
May 21, 2007

SI Bonus Section: Golf Plus
SI Players: LIFE ON AND OFF THE FIELD
NBA PLAYOFFS
GOLF
PRO FOOTBALL
NHL PLAYOFFS
Bonds And The Bay

The Unspoken Truth

THERE AREstatements you hear in sports all the time. We take 'em one game at a time. Youhear them so often you want to stick your head in a blender. I'll tell youwhat—he's just special. You hear them so often, you want to become aBenedictine monk just for the silence. Yeah, I ordered the pills, but I nevertook 'em.

This is an article from the May 21, 2007 issue

But I'll bet aBuick to a bratwurst that the following sentences have never been uttered inthe history of the English language....

• All rise forJudge Strawberry!

• Tiger, I beatyou five ways, so you owe me $100.

• Barry Bonds isthe feel-good story of the year!

• Shaq, you shootthe technical.

• Sorry, Mr.Daly, we're out of the tofu.

• And the TeamCitizenship Award goes to ... the Cincinnati Bengals!

• You know who'dbe fun—Tom Coughlin!

• More pie, Mr.LaLanne?

• There's justnot much interest in Alabama football this season.

• And put alittle more mousse on Bradshaw.

• That JeffGordon is sure a good ol' boy.

• I'm sorry,could you speak up a little, Mr. Vitale?

• Darn, there areno tickets available for tonight's Atlanta Hawks game.

• Hey, Rulon,wait for me to get my snowshoes and I'll come with you.

• With a major onthe line and one hole to play, I want the club in Monty's hands.

• I'll say itagain—you'll never find a better teammate than T.O.

• Gramblinggraduates, it's my privilege to introduce your commencement speaker, Mr. DonImus!

• Please, CarlLewis, will you favor us with another song?

• Baby, while I'mgone this weekend, I've asked Tom Brady to stay with you.

• SWIMSUIT EXTRA:ROSIE O'DONNELL WEARING NOTHING BUT PAINT!

• So you'll begoing straight from work to the Raiders game?

• Thank God thatMike Tyson was there to calm things down.

• Look up theword class in the dictionary, and you'll see Bob Huggins's picture next toit.

• If anythinghappens to me, I want Don King to handle my estate.

• I'm sick of theNHL on every damn channel.

• And once again,a Harvard man has won here at Talladega.

• No way theYankees can afford him.

• That dynastybegan the day they hired Wade Phillips.

• And this isArmani's new, exclusive Bud Selig clothing line.

• I really missthe XFL.

• I'm so tired oflending Mitch Albom money.

• Shoot the damnball, Kobe!

• And right then,at that very moment, God spoke to me and said, "Why would I care about astupid field goal?"

• Isn't it abouttime Coach K got some credit?

• How 'bout themDevil Rays!

• To me, theproblem with baseball is the games don't last long enough.

• Welcome, fans,to the Brian Bosworth film festival.

• What a completejerk that Jim Nantz is.

• My problem is,I can't keep track of all the scoring in soccer.

• Rice footballdoesn't rebuild, it reloads!

• Nah, Barkleysays he doesn't want to go out tonight.

• Pacman forSenate!

• That's right,Ray Lewis, I called you a wuss.

• Do you havethat in a size 2 for Serena?

• Sorry, fellas,the only bid we got was the Aloha Bowl.

• Hi, Mr.Amaechi, and welcome to Hooters.

• Man, thatReilly just never writes a clunker!

AVAILABLE NOW
100 Greatest Hits From Life of Reilly
WHEREVER BOOKS ARE SOLD

TALK BACK
If you have a comment for Rick Reilly, send it to reilly@siletters.com.

I'll bet you a Buick to a bratwurst that this sentencehas never been uttered in the history of the English language: Sorry, Mr. Daly,we're out of the tofu.

RIFFS of REILLY
Watch exclusively on VCast from Verizon Wireless and SI.com.

PHOTOPETER READ MILLERPHOTO