This is an article from the April 28, 2008 issue
Long is expected to be a top pick in the NFL draft, April 26--27.
Dan Patrick: Are you bringing your girlfriend to the draft?
Chris Long: No, I'm not.
DP: Veteran move there. Because then we start to size up how hot your girlfriend is.
DP: Is she a Number 1 overall pick?
CL: You trade up to get her.
DP: Is she the Chris Long of this draft?
CL: No. Because I'm the overachiever, right? She's a natural.
DP: Is there part of you that wishes there wasn't another top draft pick whose last name is Long?
CL: I joke with Jake Long because I'll go to a visit, the day after him, to a facility, and people will say, "Oh, you're Jake Long, right?" I say, "No." They say, "You go to Michigan, right?" But I like being anonymous. That's cool.
DP: I goofed on your dad, Howie, on the show about how square his head is. Doesn't it look like Herman Munster's?
CL: I tried to buy him a Red Sox hat, and I would have had to call New Era to specially make a hat in his size.
DP: Does your dad have an eight head?
CL: I'm going to estimate eight and three quarters.
DP: So I could use your dad's hat for a beer cooler if I wanted to.
CL: You could. You might have to buy out 7-Eleven's ice supply.
DP: How did you do on the Wonderlic test?
CL: I was in the 30s, I think.
DP: Did you get the dog and cat question?
CL: Everybody's talking about the dog and cat question. What are you going to do, say you would rather be a cat? Everybody said dog that I talked to.
DP: See, I would go cat because everybody's going to say dog. Because a dog needs love. It's like Meet the Parents, when Robert De Niro's talking about having a cat. A cat wants you to earn its love. I want you to earn my love, Parcells.
CL: And that's what champions are made of.
The Reason I Called You Here
IT'S THE TIME OF YEAR when college freshmen call press conferences—Kevin Love did it last week—in which they inevitably announce that they are leaving for the NBA. Just once I'd like to see the player say something like this:
"Hey, I just wanted to tell you all that my spring semester is going really well. I like my sociology teacher a lot, and I'm starting to get the hang of things in my French class. That's cool, n'est-ce pas? Also, I just downloaded the new Timbaland song on my iPod, and it's great—you should totally check it out. And I finally asked out that girl I see in the dining hall all the time, and she said yes. We're going to the movies Friday night. So that's what happening with me. Thanks for coming."
Match the player with his predraft assessment*
1. "He might need a longer-than-normal adjustment period in the pros but should be an impact player down the road."
2. "He can do it all, and he doesn't mind a heavy workload."
3. "Adequate in most areas but outstanding in none."
4. "A true leader. Clutch player."
5. "Considered a very safe pick."
A) Cedric Benson
B) Ryan Sims
C) Joey Harrington
D) Marion Barber
E) Shawne Merriman
*ASSESSMENTS FROM ASSOCIATED PRESS
ANSWERS: 1-E, 2-A, 3-D, 4-C, 5-B.
We're Checking I.D.'s Today, Folks
SO IT turns out Miguel Tejada is 33, not 31. He lied when he was 19 so he could sign his first major league contract. I can't come down on him too hard for what he did as a teenager, but as a man he needs to tell the truth. What I'd like to see is an Age Amnesty Day for athletes, a day when they can all come forward and tell us their real ages. We'll just thank them for coming clean and move on. Dikembe Mutombo, El Duque, LeBron—anything you'd like to share?
THE FINE PRINT: At their final home game the Knicks treated fans to free food. Nearly 10,000 people ordered Isiah Thomas's head on a roll.
Go to DANPATRICK.COM for more from Chris Long and other top prospects, and hear live audio of Dan's radio show, 9 a.m. to noon ET, Mon.--Fri.