This is an article from the May 19, 2008 issue
Sandler's new movie, You Don't Mess with the Zohan, has nothing to do with sports.
Dan Patrick: You are buff in your new movie. Performance-enhancing drugs?
Adam Sandler: Yes. A lot of those. It was fun to take those pills and get all the injections.
DP: I told George Clooney that I thought you would school him in basketball. He scoffed and said, "Ask Sandler about that."
AS: George Clooney can beat me at many things. He can beat me at growing a mustache quicker. He can walk into a room, and I'm guessing more girls will look at him....
DP: Could he drive by your house and, if your wife is outside, take her?
AS: She's going to go to him, sure. Probably my daughter too. But on a basketball court—full court, you'd have to go with Clooney. He enjoys running full court....
DP: But half-court, you against Clooney, you would own him?
AS: And the world would be pulling for me because they know how much he has.
DP: How do you get Lakers front-row tickets?
AS: Very easy for the Sandman. He'll call his buddy Nicholson and say, "Yo, are you bringing your son tonight?" If he says no, I say, "The Sandman is coming."
DP: But before you did Anger Management with Jack....
AS: I'd make that same call, and I'd get, "What?"
DP: What celebrity don't you want to sit next to courtside?
AS: None. I'll tell ya, my agency's seats are right next to the Lakers' bench, so you watch Kobe focus the whole time. Kobe is not a guy who is high-fiving you during a timeout. He just sits there and stares and gets ready to win.
DP: Why don't you show up in full Lakers uniform and just rip the pants off and walk up to the scorer's table? What are they going to do? They can't take away your scholarship.
AS: That would be great. If I had better legs, I'd do it.
DP: You know who would do it? David Spade. Rob Schneider you could get to do it.
AS: The truth is, with Davey and Schneider, and I'm speaking from the heart, they're not famous enough for the security guards to know [who they are]. They'd get beaten.
Let' Play Two
IT'S THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY of the release of Bull Durham. I was talking to Tim Robbins (above, right), who played fireballer Nuke LaLoosh, and he told me that he and writer-director Ron Shelton had actually kicked around the idea of doing a Bull Durham sequel. "I have a scene in my head," Robbins said. "Nuke at a trade show, selling autographs, being washed up, trying to regain his former glory, and then he comes up with an idea: I'll throw the knuckleball."
Honestly, I don't know if I like this. Nuke becomes Phil Niekro? But it got me thinking about some other possible sports movie sequels:
1. Field of Dreams II This time the voice tells Ray Kinsella, "Now build some luxury boxes; the corporate clients will come. Trust me."
2. 33* The story of Roger Maris's 1962 season.
3. White Men Can Jump a Little A leap of faith, starring Tyler Hansbrough.
4. Friday Night Lights II Buzz Bissinger returns to Odessa, Texas, and dukes it out with a local blogger.
5. The Longest Yard II: Prison Guards vs. Bengals
6. Jerry Maguire II: Eyes Wide Shut In which Jerry says to wife Dorothy, "You know what would really complete me...."
7. The Un-Natural Roy Hobbs gets another shot at glory, a disturbing paean to HGH.
8. Heaven Can Wait II As in the original, a dead QB comes back to life as an L.A. millionaire—but this time with a dramatic twist: There's no pro football team in Los Angeles!
Pumping the Shark
IF A WAITRESS gets an order right, does she pump her fist? Just for doing what she's supposed to do? Last week Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain (right) goes into fist pumps and pirouettes—for striking out David Dellucci. Not in the ALCS. In game 36 of the regular season. I think it's about this: So many players today, including the 22-year-old Chamberlain, are younger than ESPN. The culture of celebration is in their DNA. I love spontaneous displays of enthusiasm, but please, save them for meaningful occasions. Hitting an opposite-field double is not a reason to moonwalk.
THE FINE PRINT: Alex Rodriguez fainted during the birth of his first daughter. His agent, Scott Boras, explained that A-Rod opted out of the contractions.
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