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Unconventional Wisdom

Sept. 01, 2008
Sept. 01, 2008

Table of Contents
Sept. 1, 2008

SI Bonus Section: Golf Plus
SI Players: LIFE ON AND OFF THE FIELD
OBITUARY
NFL PREVIEW 2008
BEIJING: 2008 OLYMPICS
Inside
Departments

Unconventional Wisdom

With the Democratic and Republican conventions in the news, here's our vision of a golf world governed by the political parties' respective platforms.

If the PGA Tour were run by the ...

This is an article from the Sept. 1, 2008 issue

View this article in the original magazine

REPUBLICANSDEMOCRATS
CommissionerCondi RiceKeith Olbermann
HeadquartersPonte Vedra Beach, Fla.Burlington, Vt.
Official VehicleHummerPrius
Majors• Charlton Heston Memorial
• Ozone Hole Open
• Ayn Rand Rich Pro--Richer Am
• San Francisco Very Mixed Four-ball
• Fair Trade Coffee Match Play
• The Entitlement Open
New RulesUnlimited clubhead sizeClintons (unlimited mulligans)
Course FeatureFlagsticks replaced by oil derricksFairway wind farms
Purse Structure1st: $1.4 million*
2nd: $1 million
3rd: $750,000
4th: $500,000
5th and below: $0
1st: $5,675
2nd: $5,674
3rd: $5,673
4th: $5,672
5th and below: $5,671
Slogan"These Guys Are Good and You're Not, So Suck on It""These Guys Would Be Even Better If They Got a Federal Skills-Development Grant"

*100% tax deductible

PHOTOAKRAM SALEH/EPA/CORBIS (RICE)PHOTOFRANK TRAPPER/CORBIS (OLBERMANN)PHOTOBURKE/TRIOLO PRODUCTIONS/BRANDX/CORBIS (CHEESE)PHOTODANI WINSTON/TRANSTOCK/CORBIS (HUMMER)PHOTOJOHN HILLERY/REUTERS/CORBIS (PRIUS)PHOTOMATTHIAS KULKA/ZEFA/CORBIS (PUMP)PHOTOMASAHIKO TAIRA/AMANAIMAGES/CORBIS (PINWHEEL)