After word spread that PGA Tour officials were crafting guidelines for player appearance and pro-am behavior, SI obtained an early draft of a cover memo written by Tour operations chief Rick George.
Feb. 16, 2009
100 PGA TOUR Boulevard
Ponte Vedra Beach
February 16, 2009
Initiative Acronym: MOYOA (Mindful Of Your Overall Appearance)
Player Incentivization Predicate: A win-win path to preferred grooming and decorum practices
Initiative Motto: Partnering with Justin Timberlake is good for business—looking like him is not
FROM: Rick George, E.V.P. PGA TOUR¬© Operations
To: PGA TOUR¬© members who have not been mindful of their overall appearance to the possible detriment of upward brand traction
The following takeaways support the attached 169-page MOYOA manual designed to help you better follow a path to mission-critical appearance and impactful pro-am decorum.
• Long, tangled messes should be found next to fairways, not under your hat. Keep hair length scalable to facial structure. Research reveals 61% of pro-am participants believe follicles covering the ears may be indicative of subversive tendencies.
• Hair coloring, particularly the blond highlight trend that peaked with European players in fall 2006, is no longer viewed as a core value-add among golf fans ... or anyone.
• Baldness can be ameliorated by close cropping what remaining hair you have but should not, under any circumstances, be indiscreetly hidden. (See essay by Colbert, Jim, pp. 41--43.)
• Shaving daily is a widely accepted hygienic practice, especially among C-level executives (read: sponsors). Beards, goatees and outward signs that might indicate a propensity to support Democrats are strongly discouraged.
• Soul patches, anything resembling a Jesper Parnevik divot or any other age-inappropriate growths will result in disciplinary action. (Please note the Gary McCord Lifetime Grooming Exemption, pp. 87--89.)
• A medical exemption has been established for those who can't shave without getting "skin bumps." (Sufferers should first try using a high-grit facial scrub and applying shaving cream with a stiff-bristled brush. Also, an aloe-based balm can be very soothing.)
• If you suffer genetically driven robust whisker pushback (a.k.a. the Rocco Exemption, p. 99), we ask that follicles not extend more than four millimeters. The arrival of U-groove measuring devices in January 2010 will allow PGA TOUR¬© field staff to help regulate appropriate beard length.
• Strips of facial hair under the nose and above the top lip are acceptable MOYOA traits as long as they don't extend past the corners of the mouth. Should you start to resemble a member of the Village People or Scott Simpson circa 1987, it's time for a trim.
• Pro-am research shows a 98% return rate for participants who report that their partner a) remembered their name, b) pretended to act interested in how said participant earns a living or c) acknowledged at least once over the course of five hours that said participant was a member of the human race. Therefore, we believe it is vital that you speak to your pro-am partners at select points throughout the round.