Word Play

March 15, 2009

It's true, the cable networks and newspapers are filled with scary headlines written in jargon that has come to symbolize the depressing reality of our economic state. But it doesn't have to be so. Take those same terms, process them through the SI GOLF PLUS Vocabulary Converter, and suddenly they're not so frightening anymore.

Bailout
Putting a seven-wood in the bag

Boom-and-bust cycle
Three-hundred-yard drives followed by bladed wedges

Credit crisis
When your opponent forces you to hole out a 12-inch gimme. Also known as "credit crunch" or "credit squeeze"

Defaults
All de things de matter with de swing

Derivative
Adam Scott's (right) swing compared with Tiger Woods's circa 2001

Discretionary income
What you're no longer spending in the pro shop

Foreclosure
The sense of completeness a player feels after pushing his drive onto the next fairway and screaming, "Fore!"

Liquidity trap
Water hazard

Moral hazard
Mulligan

Mortgage-backed security
Betting the house that Tiger will win another major

Nationalization
A private club adding National to the end of its name in hopes of attracting status-seeking new members

Negative equity
Upon departing the golf shop, the $299 value of the driver you just bought for $399

Ponzi scheme
"I'll buy the next round."

Repossession
Trying to calm down after a four-putt double bogey

Short squeeze
Gripping the putter too tightly while standing over a three-footer

Subprime crisis
Heading into the club championship without your A game

Toxic assets
Your old golf shoes

Zombie bank
Five down with four to play and not enough cash to pay off the $2 Nassau

PHOTOERICK W. RASCO (RULER) PHOTOFRED VUICH (WOODS) PHOTOJOHN BIEVER (SCOTT) PHOTOERICK W. RASCO (BEER) PHOTODAVID N. BERKWITZ (SHOES)

HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)