Musical Shares

August 26, 2013

A few sports ownership deals we'd like to see

Aging rockers KISS last week announced they will be buying an Arena Football League team that will be based in Anaheim. In that spirit, allow us to suggest that these bands get in on the act and make the following purchases.

GWAROakland Raiders

The owners would blend in nicely with their fan base.

MAROON 5Cleveland Cavaliers

To paraphrase Pulp Fiction's Mia Wallace, the Cavs wear maroon and there are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 of them.

CHEAP TRICKPhiladelphia Flyers

The Broad Street Bullies have ranked first or second in penalty minutes in four of the last five seasons.

ONE DIRECTIONCleveland Browns

The team has been traveling in one direction—down—for years.

THE WHONashville Predators

Seriously, who are they?

CHICAGOChicago Cubs

Neither Second City institution has done anything meaningful in decades.

PRINCENew England Revolution

Kind of goes without saying.

POP CULTURE GRID...

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What athletes are thinking Go-to karaoke song Dish that'd make me a winner on Top Chef Chore I refuse to do First thing I do in the morning Our locker room smelled like ... I miss my ...
Brandi ChastainDefender Never done karaoke Braised short ribs Dusting Pee, then eat breakfast Roses Parents
Julie FoudyMidfielder "Summer Nights" Lucky Charms Ironing Chug a gallon of coffee Grass Ability to go from 0 to 80 in .5 of a second
Mia HammForward "Rocky Top" Roasted chicken Cleaning the toilet Get my son his milk Wet grass 20/20 vision

+ The three U.S. soccer pioneers agreed that Foudy, who answered by breaking into song, had the best pipes. "I'll do the duet on my own," she said of the Grease hit. As for Hamm's love of "Rocky Top," she says, "I don't know why. I'm not from Tennessee."

+ Her "secret": "It's all in the milk. One percent. I'm very discerning."

+ "One percent for him."

They Said It

"If you have ice with Coke, you can have indigestion."

Paolo Di CanioManager of Premier League team Sunderland, explaining why he banned his players from drinking soda on the rocks—not to mention mayonnaise, ketchup, cellphones and singing in the shower. (He also announced his daughter was banned from eating cheeseburgers.)

EXTRA MUSTARD ON SI.COM

To get up close with Matt Fitzpatrick, this week's breakout performer presented by Schick, go to SI.com/breakout

PHOTOPAUL SAKUMA/AP (RAIDERS FAN) PHOTOED SYKES/ACTION IMAGES/ZUMAPRESS.COM (DI CANIO) PHOTOAL GRAHAM/RETNA (GWAR) PHOTOTOM GRILL/GETTY IMAGES (MILK) PHOTOUNIVERSAL MUSIC GROUP (GREASE) PHOTOGENERAL MILLS (LUCKY CHARMS) PHOTOTAMARA STAPLES/GETTY IMAGES (DUSTER) PHOTOKRIS CONNOR/GETTY IMAGES (HAMM) PHOTOJASON KEMPIN/GETTY IMAGES (FOUDY) PHOTOSTEVE GRANITZ/WIREIMAGE (CHASTAIN) PHOTOGETTY IMAGES (ROSES)

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