Jock Hop

Recasting Dancing With the Stars
March 17, 2014

This season of ABC's Dancing With the Stars, the show's 18th, boasts the most athlete-heavy roster in its history, with five: swimmer Diana Nyad, former NHLer Sean Avery, Paralympian snowboarder Amy Purdy and Sochi ice dancing gold medalists Charlie White and Meryl Davis (whose inclusion seems a bit unfair). Current and retired athletes have won the competition seven times: Indy driver Helio Castroneves, gymnast Shawn Johnson, speedskater Apolo Anton Ohno, figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi and NFL players Emmitt Smith, Hines Ward and Donald Driver. There are other sports figures the show should consider.

Johnny Weir

Already has the wardrobe (think feathers); Tara Lipinski can tag along to add commentary.

Mike Tyson

Sensitive mauler loves a live audience; they say boxing is like sweaty ballet, no?

A-Rod

Preening and narcissism are welcome in this format, plus there's no drug testing.

Lance Armstrong

See A-Rod, and DWTS is about the only competition he's not banned from at this point.

Bill Belichick

Will be nice to see him in something other than a hoodie; he and Tom Brady make a winning pair.

Serena Williams

Fierce competitor with a stellar fashion sense and willingness to argue with the chair.

Brittney Griner

Known for nimble footwork, and at nearly seven feet in heels, she'd tower over her partner.

David Beckham

Probably knows the Spice Girls' routines by heart and would excel at those high kicks.

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Police have opened a gambling investigation at Tarpon Springs Golf Course in Florida after a tipster said participants were wagering $20 a week during league play.

PHOTOISAAC BREKKEN/AP (WEIR) PHOTOCHINAFOTOPRESS/GETTY IMAGES (TYSON) PHOTOGVK/BAUER-GRIFFIN/GC IMAGES (RODRIGUEZ) PHOTORICCARDO S. SAVI/GETTY IMAGES (ARMSTRONG) PHOTODAMIAN STROHMEYER FOR SI (BELICHICK) PHOTOSTR/AFP/GETTY IMAGES (WILLIAMS) PHOTOALBERTO E. RODRIGUEZ/GETTY IMAGES FOR ESPY (GRINER) PHOTODAVE KOTINSKY/GETTY IMAGES FOR H&M (BECKHAM) PHOTOLLOYD FUDGE/FOTOLIA.COM (MONEY); CHRIS RYAN/CAIAIMAGE/GETTY IMAGES (GOLF BALL)

HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)