What Would Sally Field Do?

September 15, 2014

LAST WEEK A young boy showed up at an Orioles game carrying a sign that read: MY NAME REALLY IS CAMDEN YARDS. MLB.com interviewed the lad and his family, and although his parents weren't identified, they did confirm that the boy, a fan of both baseball and the O's, is named after the park. So it goes in a world that already contains children named Wrigley Field and Crimson Tide. The only thing that could make this naming quirk more troubling would be for conveniently named athletes to jump onboard. A few suggestions.

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PLAYER CHILD'S NAME ANALYSIS
Josh Fields Citi An attractive child filled with self-loathing; money problems
Gilbert Arenas Joe Louis Nice kid, winner inside, ready to fight—gloves on or off
Manute Bol Rose Laid-back flower child who blends in with her natural surroundings
Chan Ho Park Fenway A heartbreaker who will age gracefully and eventually cash in
Tie Domi Georgia Southern belle who's a bit hollow and has a thing for losers

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Robert Morris has become the first school offering athletic scholarships for its varsity video game team.

PHOTOTWITTER.COM (CAMDEN YARDS) PHOTOALEX BRANDON/AP (FIELDS) PHOTOJOE MURPHY/NBAE/GETTY IMAGES (ARENAS) PHOTOJOHN W. MCDONOUGH FOR SPORTS ILLUSTRATED (BOL) PHOTOSTEPHEN DUNN/GETTY IMAGES (PARK) PHOTOBRUCE BENNETT/GETTY IMAGES (DOMI) PHOTO

HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
OUT
HOLE YARDS PAR R1 R2 R3 R4
IN
Eagle (-2)
Birdie (-1)
Bogey (+1)
Double Bogey (+2)