TRIGGER WARNING: The new book Lucky Bastard by Joe Buck (with SI senior writer Michael Rosenberg) may cause people who have formerly despised the smug, glib son of a gun to rethink their position. Although there are certainly moments of snark and self-regard, it also contains a steady flow of humor, love, pain, loss and genuine human emotion. Readers should be aware that reading said book could inspire empathy and understanding (Twitter users excepted). See below for 10 sentences our reviewers never thought they'd read upon cracking the spine, or go to SI.com/joebuckbook to read an excerpt.
This is an article from the Nov. 14, 2016 issue
I was standing there, unzipped, waiting for the floodgates to open, but they wouldn't.
But if you want to mess with your mind, as a guy in a disintegrating marriage, you should attend a three-day fantasy camp with Christina Applegate.
He was talking to her on a pay phone outside of the Chase Park Plaza hotel, home to one of the hottest bars in St. Louis in the sixties, when she told him she was pregnant.
It was totally unprofessional of the Mets to do that.
There was this undercurrent of deep-seated animosity, and I understand where it started now, but I didn't get it then.
I pulled up in our Volkswagen Beetle convertible in full Barney [the dinosaur] gear.
So there was basically a threat of a mob hit put out on me when I was a kid.
You would think that, in 1991, if an announcer and a player were gay lovers, they would be smart enough not to share a room on the road.
My relationship with Kate [Hudson] somehow featured the lies and awkwardness of an affair, but without any of the sex.
He had the strippers laughing so hard.
THEY SAID IT
"IT'S A GRITTY, TOUGH, HARDWORKING SHRIMP."
Owner of the Marlins' Double A affiliate Jacksonville Suns, explaining the decision to change the team's name to the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp.
SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE