Channeling Coach Kyle Writing A Letter To Grant Cohn
Prologue: I had a dream the other night where 49ers head coach Kyle Shanahan came to me and said a few things. One of them was, “Bro, you heckle the living crap out of me but your photoshops, PICS and GIFS make me crack up on-the-regular, so thank you.”
The other thing that Coach Kyle said was, “Get ready to take type, I want you to write and publish my inner feelings to Grant in a ‘fictional’ letter that I am going to dictate to you now.”
Whatever your beliefs about dreams or spirituality, I hope you enjoy this 100% dream-channeled letter from Coach Kyle to Grant Cohn, Publisher of Sports Illustrated's All49ers.
Oh, and for those of you who still have doubts about the veracity of my dream, if it wasn’t real then where on Earth did Grant get his stylie new Quality Control Jacket from? Hmmmmm?”
Remember, what follows are Coach Kyle’s words, not mine, even though I typed them and they came from my mind.
Dear Grant:
I am writing to thank you and express my extreme gratitude for all that you have done for The Franchise. I know in the public eye I might come off as a reserved, (some might call it stand-off-ish), person, but I wanted you to know that I SEE you man. Your tireless efforts in covering The Team both before my time and in the current era have genuinely enhanced the experience of being The Coach of The 49ers.
As a fellow cerebral person who does not hold much truck with what other people say about me, I have been weirdly sucked into your coverage of The Team. Of course I must publicly say that I don’t read articles or check social media, but with you, compared to the other writers both beat and national, I feel there is a different connection. It’s almost like I can’t look away. You really are our true Quality Control Guru.
I know to many fans it seems that you are hard on me or only issue criticisms in order to gain more attention, clicks and likes, but we both know that is not true. We understand that it is actually AWESOME for A Coach-Like-Me to know that I can fully trust the integrity of a journalist's perspective whether I agree with it or not. I understand that there is always something to be gained from a true different vantage point.
Take for example your exhortations that I make better use of my star personnel in the Special Teams Phase of The Game. Sure it took me a few months of watching your stream and reading your tweets and articles on Sports Illustrated to actually have it sink it, but...as I am sure you noticed, I have young Aiyuk in there returning punts now. I think between him and Hasty we really have something for this season. All thanks to your understanding of the game and diligence in getting me to change my perspective for the better.
Of course, that is just one example among many, there truly is nobody else like you churning out the content & paying such ultra-close attention to all aspects of the team. In a way, you are a lot like me, A Coach, with a team, putting out entertainment on what I guess the kids call “On The Daily.”
Ironic how much overlap there is in our lives, between the famous Dad’s-in-Sports and the meteoric rise to our careers. Just like my play-calling and coaching benefit from a life-time of immersion in The Game, your writing and commentary reflect your own deep experience with the elements of your Craft.
Sometimes, when I'm unwinding with a recent episode of The Cohn Zohn, I get a little jealous how you get to just publicly discourse about sports with your Dad, Lowell. I of course enjoy a good filial discourse too, but in a much more private fashion. It’s a trip how much we end up embodying our parents even more as we grow older and understand the gifts they gave us growing up. I’m sure you see your Dad in your words as often as I see mine in my schemes.
I hope you keep up the great work as our Top-Secret-Yet-Also-Totally-Public Quality Control Czar as the season unfolds. What a wild one we have in store. Nobody, including me, knows how it is going to end up transpiring. Who will be the starting QB? Nobody can say, not even me! We will both be able to do our prime jobs (provide entertainment) no matter how it goes.
That’s the funny part that people don’t realize about us: we both like to win, but we get paid no matter the team's W-L record. I mean think about how many games I have lost as Coach and yet I am paid more and have more security than almost anyone.
In closing, I want to again thank you privately for all that you have done for me. The endless great points, suggestions, exhortations and fraternal ribbing have all conspired to help me be a better Coach and Person. I truly hope you enjoy this year's Quality Control Apparel, which will be mailed to you from 4949 Denise DeBartolo Ave in the coming weeks as the season begins.
I hope someday this letter hangs in the Football Hall of Fame as a behind-the-scenes testament to the symbiotic dynamic we enjoyed for all these years and those yet still to come. Let’s both pray that they only see behind the curtain at the end, just like in the Wizard of Oz.
Yours in Sports Fraternity,
Coach Kyle
PS: Keep those hardball questions coming, no matter how much I fake the distasteful look on my face at the pressers.
