Player Ratings to the Theme of Chicago Foods

Rating the Kansas Jayhawk players' performances after the win against the Providence Friars in the Sweet 16.

Whew.  Your heart rate was probably pretty elevated in that one, and what better way to test that muscle than with some deliciously fatty foods?  With Kansas playing in Chicago, it was time to rate the players’ performances based on some iconic Chicago culinary specialties.

Just in case you're new to these player ratings (or just need a refresher on how they work), here's how the evaluation process happens. First, I choose a subject and rank things according to my preferences. Your preferences will no doubt vary, but that's part of the fun. Then I assign a player to each star rating based on performance, but please note that not all games and not all ratings are equal. It's not completely stats based, but of course stats play a large role in how a player stacks up to others in a particular game.

5 Stars: Out of this world performance. This is a hard to achieve rating and is only reserved for the most impressive or impressionable performances.

4.5 Stars: Very strong performance, packed the stat sheet, provided undeniable intangibles.

4 Stars: A strong performance that falls just short of the standards above.

3.5 Stars: Above average performance, perhaps stands out in one category or one aspect of the game.

3 Stars: Average performance. Also could be a very strong game in one aspect but a very poor game in another such as 15 points but seven turnovers.

2 Stars: Below average performance, or we simply have higher expectations for the player on this particular night.

1 Star: Rare, but if a player has a stinker in all aspects.

Memorial No Star: Named after a former KU walk-on or obscure player and is awarded to the player(s) who didn't have enough playing time to contribute or whose performance isn't worthy of a rating for another reason.

5 Stars: Italian Beef

© Annabelle Tometich/The News-Press USA TODAY Network - Florida / USA TODAY NETWORK

The king. Man, I love this sandwich and I love going to Al’s to get one. Give me mine dipped in the au jus and piled high with spicy giardiniera. Perfection.

Remy Martin didn't play a traditional five star game (too many missed free throws for that), but where would Kansas be without him? The answer is Lawrence, not Chicago. Remy finished with 23 points, seven rebounds and three assists.

4.5 Stars: Chicago Hot Dog

© Antranik Tavitian via Imagn Content Services, LLC

An icon. I love hot dogs and I love toppings and it stands to reason that I love me a Chicago dog. Man, they're good. What’s not to like about this list of ingredients: Yellow mustard, fluorescent green relish, chopped white onions, spicy sport peppers, tomato slices, a dill pickle spear and a dash of celery salt all on an all beef dog?

Jalen Wilson. This dude was a rebounding machine in this one. Sixteen points and eleven rebounds for KU's other shining star.

4 Stars: Deep Dish Pizza

© Courtney Hergesheimer/Columbus Dispatch / USA TODAY NETWORK

Some people get mad at this variety of pizza, claiming that it’s more of a casserole than a pizza. Whatever. It’s delicious, and if you go to Chicago, you have to try one.

No one else was as good as this tasty pizza.

3.5 Stars: Jibarito

© Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

I’ll admit that I’ve never had this sandwich (and that I’d never even heard of it before researching this article) but it sounds amazing. It is an ultra thin sliced steak sandwich with tomatoes, garlic mayo, and lettuce, but here’s the kicker… no bread. The “bread” is smashed and fried plantains. Sign me up.

I'm going to toss Mitch Lightfoot in here. I don't have access to advanced stats but his plus/minus seemed decent. Mitch blocks are really fun.

Dajaun Harris got the "drive on these guys" memo. 

3 Stars: Rainbow Cone

rainbowcone.com

Never had this either and the only reason it’s a three is because the ones above are so amazing. The rainbow cone is an ice cream cone with chocolate, strawberry, cherry-vanilla, pistachio, and orange sherbet stacked on top of each other. Sounds amazing.

Defensively, Ochai Agbaji and Christian Braun were good. Ochai swatted away four blocks and Christian had ten rebounds. Offensively, woof. 

2 Stars: Chicago Barbeque

© Gillis Benedict/Livingston Daily, Livingston Daily via Imagn Content Services, LLC

I can think of two cities (Kansas City and Memphis) and three complete states (the Carolinas and Texas) that I’d rather eat barbeque in.

David McCormack works so hard, but this wasn't his game. He's more of a 2.5 if we're being honest. Wound up with eight points.

1 Star: Jepson’s Malort

© Jon Durr-USA TODAY Sports

If you’ve never had Malort, go ahead and look up the flavor profile and the taste reviews. Why do people drink this?

No one was this bad (thankfully).

Terry Nooner Memorial No Star:

Jalen Coleman-Lands.

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