Rankman's Super-Duper ranking and comments: Week 1

Chris Dufresne

Welcome to another season of Rankman’s weekly ranking and comments, brought to you exclusively by TMG behind a paywall Mexico is not going to pay for. The usual disclaimers, caveats and run-on sentences apply. These rankings are for entertainment purposes. The opinions here do not reflect the parent company that did not purchase us in the off season to make us rich or underwrite our start-up costs. We use Marquis of Queensberry codes of conduct. No biting, gouging or hitting below the belt. No phony-baloney, pay-per-view bouts with UFC fighters using eight-ounce gloves. Stop use and ask a doctor if: A) these rankings get worse after 10 days B) redness or swelling is present in the painful area C) Florida suspends any more players before this weekend's game with Michigan. Keep out of reach of children and\or Lane Kiffin. Rankman’s inaugural ranking reflects the perfect world as he sees it. The top four teams are harmonically converged to form the playoff as America should want it. The Rose and Sugar bowls are hosting this year’s national semifinals which makes USC and Ohio State the perfect pairing for Pasadena. This is the matchup Rankman advocated for LAST year, when Penn State deserved to advance to the four-team because, um, the Nits won the Big Ten title and defeated Ohio State. This year’s Sugar is also a natural selection of two SEC schools, in New Orleans, the way God and Jean-Baptiste Le Moyne de Bienville intended it. So, let’s go out there and have a great season. And if, by chance, Indiana should upset Ohio State on Thursday night pretend these rankings did not happen, relegate Ohio State to second-division in the Big Ten Premiere League and trash all those Heisman posters for J.T. Barrett.

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