To Play or Not to Play? Golf Would Be Great. But Here's the Rub.

Playing golf ought to be a no-brainer, even in a pandemic, right?

You pay online or by telephone. No clubhouse, no riding carts, no ball washers. The USGA conveniently allowed leaving in the pin a year ago. The greenskeepers put a gizmo in the hole, so the ball doesn’t actually drop.

If you can find a relatively empty course, it just might work.

The Cactus Tour, for aspiring women pros, is playing on—most recently last week at Apache Creek, outside Phoenix, complete with mask-wearers (photo above).

The practical problem is, courses are not empty. In Illinois, when golf was permitted for two days in March, the courses that were open were packed. So the golf ban returned. At one course alone, 300 players signed up to play.

That’s no way to practice social distancing.

Maybe you saw that mob scene on the Jacksonville beach in Florida when it was reopened last week. Social distancing? It looked more like Black Friday at Walmart.

I am not advocating for golf courses being closed. Actually, I am trying to rationalize a way in my mind that I can go out and play. Haven’t gotten there yet.

A big step would be to find a reasonably uncrowded course. Actually, that would be a huge step.

At moments like these, I wish I had been a computer nerd in college who was friends with Bill Gates or Steve Jobs and jumped onboard at one of their startups. So I could own my own golf course.

That didn’t happen.

And when it comes right down to it, I am not ready for golf—not until we have an empty golf course or a better handle on this pandemic.

I know some of you are playing in other parts of the country. I am envious. Very envious.

But the risk/reward do not add up in my mind yet. At this point, the best policy for me is to avoid chafing about not playing golf. By focusing on other things. Including Nintendo Golf—where my profile says I am a plus-7 handicap!

I talked to a friend who played that day or two when Illinois courses were open—and he said his brain was so distracted by Avoiding-COVID thoughts, it wasn’t all that enjoyable, anyway.

I am a guy who rarely takes his clubs out of the car all winter—in Chicago. Just in case. Played twice right before Christmas. Played in February. I like to be out there.

The way I play these days, it’s not about the golf. It’s about being outside. And being with pals.

But here’s the thing: The devil is in the details.

At this point, courses remain closed in Illinois. The minute they open, it’s going to be the Oklahoma land rush.

Or, if they do it right, getting a tee time is going to be like winning the lottery. Because foursomes eight minutes apart is not going to be practical. Twosomes 10 minutes apart makes more sense.

The real acid test came in the last few days: With the arrival of occasional good golf weather, my regular foursome was about ready to burst.

Wisconsin courses are going to reopen on Friday. Many Indiana courses have remained open.

First, one of my guys found a two-round, one-night package for Blackwolf Run’s two courses in Kohler, Wis.

An overnight road trip involving a hotel and meals? Not for me, not in this pandemic world. (Even if they had mentioned the other two Kohler courses, Whistling Straits and the Irish course, which I prefer, I was not going to do that.)

Plan B was a quick day-trip foray to Indiana. The problem was, the courses we checked had nearly full tee sheets. Teeing it up at 7:08 a.m. after an hour drive was not going to cut it for me. I don't get up before dawn for golf any more. But the guys were all set to go. One of the guys was even going to Indiana on a couple of days earlier with another group; he would scout it out.

Then a new text arrived. Our friend’s friend was starting to feel like he had the COVID-19 virus. This guy didn’t know where he might have been exposed. But he had played twice in Indiana.

That’s the other thing. We don’t even know what we don’t know about this virus. They say six feet for social distancing. But if you’re downwind and somebody sneezes, how many feet for that?

And some people who have it don’t even know that they have it.

All we really know is that COVID-19 is nothing to mess around with.

Can you catch Coronavirus on a golf course?

Probably not. But I don’t want to find out.

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If you like sports history with an extra bit of drama, please check out my 1908 Cubs novel, The Run Don’t Count. Excerpts and other information at facebook/therundontcount. It’s available in paperback and Kindle at Amazon.com.