Nope Springs Eternal: Rangers Already Burned by Jacob deGrom Gamble?
WHITT'S END 2.17.23:
Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
*We interrupt this “Hope Springs Eternal” optimism with Texas Rangers injury concerns. Yes, already. When the Rangers gave former two-time Cy Young winner Jacob deGrom $185 million in free agency, the caveat was “if.” Here we go. deGrom missed his first spring training work in Surprise, Arizona this week with stiffness. The guy the Rangers need to throw 150+ innings this season has been limited by injuries by only 156 the last two years.
*Watching the Kansas City Chiefs parade this week reminded me that no one under 27 has any idea what that type of celebration looks like in Dallas.
It can be splendid, but also scary.
A brisk 30 years ago – Feb. 9, 1993 – Cowboys fans that been waiting for a championship parade since 1978 flooded downtown in the wake of Super Bowl XXVII. An estimated 400,000 people + 0 planning = Chaos.
As Cowboys players attempted to roll through the streets in convertibles, frenzied fans surrounded them for photos, autographs or even a ride. By the end of the day 14 people were arrested, 24 were in the hospital and one car was engulfed in fire.
And now you know why these days players in parades are atop the safety of flatbed trucks.
*"Seller"’s remorse? While Dallas Mavericks Luka Doncic and Kyrie Irving played a Keystone Cops’ version of “Hot Potato” and inexplicably failed to even get a shot off at the end of last Monday’s home loss to Minnesota, a guy in New York was putting together a stat line of 40 points, 0 turnovers in another Knicks win. Fella named Jalen Brunson.
*Time to take a deep sports breath.
We’re in that weird void where Winter awaits transition into Spring. When the NFL is over, the NBA breaks for All-Star Weekend and MLB pitchers and catchers are just beginning to loosen at spring training.
During this rare respite, we’ve got time to fix sports. All of ’em. My Top 5 rules changes that would – presto – improve the games we watch.
NFL
1. No more coin flips. Home team gets kickoff option. Best W-L in Super Bowl.
2. Flag running backs for stiff-arming tacklers’ facemask.
3. No more quarterback safe slides. If he runs, he’s allowed to be tackled.
4. Defensive holding no longer an automatic first down.
5. No timeouts when play-clock hits :05.
NBA
1. No more rolling the ball. Shot-clock starts when inbound pass touches court.
2. No more goal-tending violations. Ball is alive in cylinder.
3. Re-institute carrying. Hand under ball “pause” is a turnover.
4. Re-institute traveling. Step-back jumper, subtle “hopping” jumpers are no-nos.
5. 4-point line for shots 40+ feet.
MLB
1. Robot umps.
2. Limit 3 pitchers per game.
3. Limit 1 pick-off attempt per batter.
4. Limit 1 time stepping out of batter’s box per at-bat.
5. 1.5 runs for homers hit 430+ feet.
Oh yeah, and eliminate the National Anthem before all games. Separation of sports and state, right?
*Was in the checkout line at the grocery store this week when that screeching beep – or is it a beeping screech? – of an alarm went off. All eyes turned – and two store employees ran – to the front door. Sure enough, shoplifter. The man claimed “oops, I forgot” two items that were zipped up in his coat pockets. He was lying. And he was caught. As I left, he was being questioned by managers as a police car arrived. I’m a law-abiding citizen, but … I kinda sorta almost sympathize with kleptomaniacs. Something about the thrill of “sticking it to the man.” Especially when, these days, “the man” has eliminated staff and forces you into involuntary self-checkout lines bagging your own dang groceries. But as we all know and he was reminded, the reward is nowhere near the risk.
*In honor of Monday’s President’s Day, shout out to former namesake Cowboys: James Washington, Flozell Adams, Mike Jefferson, Joe Jackson, Carlos Polk, Alex Taylor, Brett Pierce, Buck Buchanan, Lincoln Coleman, Jimmy Johnson, Orantes Grant, Bob Hayes, Cedrick Wilson, Calvin Hill, Bernard Ford, and Ha Ha Clinton-Dix. Most Presidential Cowboy of all-time: John Fitzgerald or Quincy Carter?
*Hot.
*Not.
*Heard a TV talking head this week claim Cowboys’ receiver Michael Gallup wasn’t a “legitimate No. 2”, based on his “disappearance” in the playoff loss to the 49ers. Hard to defend 0 catches for 0 yards. But … Gallup was targeted only three times. One of those was intercepted in the first quarter and another – on one of the game’s forgotten-but-crucial plays – was thrown about five yards behind and five yards wide by Dak Prescott as Gallup was five yards behind San Francisco’s secondary. An accurate pass would have resulted in an 82-yard touchdown, perhaps a tie game and possibly different reputations for both Prescott and Gallup.
*We’ve all seen the cheesy marriage proposal on the stadium jumbotron. I’m waiting for the creative, gutsy dude who gets on one knee to serve his soon-to-be ex with divorce papers.
*It’s way premature to sound an alarm or even hint that it’s a trend. But … the Mavs are 2-0 with Kyrie but no Luka, and 0-3 with Luka and Kyrie or Luka without Kyrie. Who knew that after the Feb. 5 trade they’d have to wait seven games and 18 days for their first win together? They will beat the lowly Spurs at home coming out of the break next Thursday, right?
*In 2022 the TSA confiscated 385 firearms at DFW Airport, more than one per day. In 2023 there have been 70 mass shootings in America, more than one per day. But, please, tell me again how guns aren’t the problem.
*During last year’s 94-loss campaign, Rangers’ pitchers were the fourth-worst group of fielding pitchers with a whopping 13 errors. If special assistant Greg Maddux and his 18 Gold Gloves can’t fix it, then it can’t be fixed.
*Most wasted $7 million in the history of money: The 30-second Super Bowl ad for … Jesus. Believer or not, was there a person watching that game that hadn’t already heard about “Him”? Not exactly like the website is pushing out a new product.
*So now what, Texas Longhorns? You fired basketball coach Chris Beard in the wake of domestic violence charges that have now been dropped. Just “oops”?
*There is old. There is new. There is not, however, “brand new.” Makes zero sense. Unless you also stubbornly, incorrectly say “hot water heater.” In that case, it makes total sense.
*Weirdest word in our language: menopause. It doesn’t happen to men. Nor does it merely pause. Did we just try to get everything about that word backward? Because it worked.
*I still remember my giddiness in the 1980s when a cable TV network called “Home Sports Entertainment” hit the air and allowed local fans to watch Mavs and Rangers games throughout the season. Xanadu, indeed. That “network” has had more incarnations to count, and it looks like the latest – Bally Sports – will be short-lived as well. The financially troubled parent company missed a $140 million interest payment this week, triggering a sign that bankruptcy might be in the offing. The owners – Diamond Sports Group – blame an “elevated level of subscriber erosion” for its $8.6 billion of debt. We will see a return of Fox Sports Southwest? Or maybe even HSE?
*This weekend might be Dick Motta’s last chance to be a Hall of Famer. The former Mavs two-time coach is 91 and among the 37 nominees to be voted on during All-Star Weekend. Among the NBA’s Top 15 all-time winningest coaches that have retired, Motta is the only one not enshrined in Springfield, Mass. He also won a title with the Washington Bullets. His roadblocks: a losing record (935-1,017) and a fractured relationship with influential HOF board member Jerry Colangelo. Only Rick Carlisle and Don Nelson won more games as Mavs’ head coach.
*Just like that, the wacko conspiracy theorists who swore that Damar Hamlin died on the field because of the COVID vaccine have pivoted to a new one: Those balloons being shot down by U.S. missiles aren’t “benign” but rather “aliens.” I don’t actually blame them. I instead fault the uneducated, gullible folks who buy into being fodder for the grift.
*Third time’s the charm? The XFL will give it another go starting Saturday. The alternative football league that had one-year runs in 2001 and 2020 is back as an eight-team league with its hub at the Rangers’ old ballpark in Arlington. Every team will practice in DFW before going across the country for weekend games. This version – which includes the Arlington Renegades – is owned by “The Rock” and features well-known coaches Wade Phillips, Bob Stoops, Hines Ward, Rod Woodson and June Jones. No extra-point kicks is intriguing. As is only one foot down for legal catches. That said, I’ve had enough football for a while. You?
*This Weekend? Friday let’s take a friend to the airport. Saturday let’s celebrate brother’s 53rd birthday. Sunday let’s watch the NBA All-Star Game. As always, don’t be a stranger.
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