Whitt's End: Jerry Jones Says 'Hold My Beer' Aboard Cowboys NFL Draft Yacht
Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End 4.24.20 ...
*Everyone: OMG, Kliff Kingsbury sockless cool on his white couch in his Scottsdale bachelor pad right out of 50 Shades of Gray is the most amazing draft setup!
Jerry Jones: Hold my beer.
Jerry, as you probably know, is the proud owner of a $250-million boat. Life lesson from this wonderfully weird NFL Draft: Yacht > Everything.
*CeeDee Lamb has fast feet. But also on display Thursday night seconds after the Dallas Cowboys drafted him were his amazingly quick hands. You’ve seen the viral video of what appears to be Lamb’s girlfriend picking up one of his cell phones, only to have the receiver deftly snatch it back.
Appearances, according to Lamb, can be deceiving. “y’all gotta chill … wasn’t even like dat” he tried to explain on Twitter. Okay. But, until further review, let’s call it Lamb’s first “catch” as a pro.
*Barefoot kids. Unruly pets. Living rooms instead of war rooms. Blingy suits eschewed for bath robes. Fewer people showing more emotion. I absolutely loved this MTV “Unplugged” version of the NFL Draft. There was Roger Goodell playing perfect goofy casual, encouraging boos with hand in his pocket. Sean Payton eating Skittles. Bill Belichick alone, of course, at a big, empty, modest table. And New York Giants’ GM David Gettleman, making his pick while wearing a mask because he went through chemo a couple years back, reminding us why this is our new normal.
It was a faster, better draft. No more staged bro hugs. No more painted fans pretending to know the nuance of their team’s pick. Substance over style. I loved the intimate glimpses into the homes, and peeks at not what these people do but more so who they are. It was the “coronavirus casual” draft. We’ll hopefully never see anything like it again. But for one night, it was perfectly imperfect.
*Talked to a long-time NFL scout with knowledge of the Cowboys’ draft board who said they had only 14 players with a first-round grade. To get one of them – Lamb – at 17 is a colossal win. VP Stephen Jones said the speedy, playmaking Oklahoma star was sixth overall on the team’s rankings and the 1 receiver.
With the loss of Byron Jones and Robert Quinn in free agency and LSU pass-rusher K’Lavon Chaisson staring them in the face, it was tempting for the Cowboys to yet again draft for need. For defense. They could have traded down, added a later pick and still wound up with Chaisson (who went 20 to the Jacksonville Jaguars). But Lamb was too good to pass up.
“The right thing to do is always pick the best football player,” said owner Jones, who in the past has brazenly ignored that credo. “That’s what we did today.”
The Cowboys ran no mock draft simulations where Lamb fell to 17, but got excited when the Las Vegas Raiders took Henry Ruggs III at No. 12. Sometimes, patience pays off. Now, where Cole Beasley and Randall Cobb ultimately didn’t, Lamb has the skills to fill the Cowboys’ slot. ... and much, much more.
*In the wake of the first two episodes of ESPN’s Last Dance documentary I’m hearing lots of “Jerry is Jerry!” As in, Chicago Bulls’ general manager Jerry Krause was then what Cowboys’ GM Jerry Jones is now.
Hog. Wash.
Krause was a committee of one, wholly Hell-bent on ending the 90s dynasty that the coach and players desperately did not want to end. Jones, in case you’ve forgotten, had an accomplice in short-circuiting his team’s 90s domination.
Goes by the name of Jimmy Johnson.
Did Jerry have a credit-thirsty monster of an ego? Of course. That’s something Johnson surely learned when he and Jones were teammates – even roommates – on Arkansas’ 1964 National Championship team. When they joined forces in Dallas in 1989, the coach had long ago mapped the owner’s DNA. Sure enough, Jerry wanted credit for socks, jocks, even 1-15. But when the Cowboys were on the verge of their second Super Bowl late in 1993, Johnson began to bristle to confidants about Jones wanting too much credit. Ludicrous. It’d be like marrying a girl with a three million Instagram followers and then pretending to be miffed when she interrupts dinner to snap a selfie.
But what did Jimmy do to antagonize the burgeoning tug-of-war? He publicly flirted with the Jacksonville Jaguars about their coaching vacancy. And he did it in the week of the most important game of the season, and one of the most iconic games in franchise history – Emmitt Smith’s “shoulder game” at the New York Giants that clinched the NFC East, home-field advantage throughout the playoffs and paved the way for Super Bowl 28.
A month later, in retaliation, Jerry uttered his infamous “500 coaches could win a Super Bowl here”, and two months later Jimmy left with a $2 million divorce settlement. Both men were at fault. Both. Unlike Krause, who waged his solo war to break up the Bulls and drive them into decades of oblivion.
In Episode 2 of Last Dance, Jordan said after the 1997 championship: “We’re entitled to defend what we have until we lose it.” For all of Dirk Nowitzki’s greatness, that’s the one line I wish he would’ve screamed in 2011 as his defending champion Dallas Mavericks were being dismantled. Since 1998, the Bulls have won only five playoff series and just once been as far as the Eastern Conference Finals. In 2011, the Mavs won 16 playoff games. Since then they’ve won only five, and haven’t won a postseason series.
No, Jerry Jones isn’t Jerry Krause. Mark Cuban is Jerry Krause.
*Day 44 without sports … Look, I want America to reopen too. I’m just not willing to die – or kill others – for it to happen ahead of a reasonably safe schedule. I cherish my next paycheck, but even more so my next breath.
*Despite Jones suggesting Lamb – in the tradition of Drew Pearson, Michael Irvin, Antonio Bryant(?) and Dez Bryant – should wear No. 88, Lamb says he’ll go with No. 10. Wait, No. 10? We remember being excited about Dallas trading only a sixth-round pick to acquire Tavon Austin just two years ago, right? After only three touchdowns in 21 games, he’s a free agent. To be the best No. 10 in Cowboys’ history, Lamb will only have to top punter Ron Widby from their first Super Bowl team. To be DFW’s best all-time No. 10? The bar is set at Michael Young.
*When golf re-grips (June 11?), Fort Worth’s Colonial is set to be the first event. Until then, players will practice on their own and consult each other for virtual swing tips. Right, Tony Romo?
“He’s just obsessed with it,” says Plano native and Korn Ferry Tour player Will Zalatoris. “He absolutely loves the game.”
With no NFL games to call from the CBS booth, ol’ No. 9 is apparently sharpening his back nine. Romo, who missed a couple of PGA cuts on sponsor exemptions, became friendly with Zalatoris while playing at Maridoe Golf Club in Carrollton. He’s been known to send his very unofficial swing coach videos at 10 p.m.
Says Zalatoris, “I think he’ll make a cut. He works so hard.”
Last weekend Romo would have made his Korn Ferry Tour debut via exemption at the Veritex Bank Championship played at Texas Rangers Golf Club. But, you know …
*Romo, by the way, turned 40 this week. Only 40. He was last a healthy, full-time starter in 2014, at age 35. Peyton Manning played until he was 39. Brett Favre retired at 41. Drew Brees is 41. Tom Brady is 42. Ah, what could have been.
*Day 45 without sports … Can’t believe I miss handshakes, but I miss handshakes. Will we ever get back to handshakes?
*Very cool – albeit common sense – idea by Fox Sports Southwest to show the title runs of the 1999 Dallas Stars and 2011 Mavericks. But, since all we have is time to kill, why not show all 21 games of the Mavs’ journey?
Yes, even the five losses.
Because the demoralizing, 23-point blown lead in Game 4 at Portland and the uh-oh-here-we-go-again Game 1 loss in Miami filled us with doubt. Which, ultimately, made the view from the top even more rewarding. Another suggestion: Show the championship parade after Game 6 of the Finals, not after Game 2 of the first round. Timelines must be trickier than I remember. Bottom line: Watch the Stars’ clincher May 12 at 8 p.m.; Mavs’ clincher May 13 at 9. And, for Texas Rangers fans, FSSW will rebroadcast one their best moments – Game 6 of the 2010 ALCS against the New York Yankees – on April 29 at 6. Watching A-Rod take strike three looking from Neftali Feliz to send the Rangers to their first World Series is almost as good as a championship. Almost.
*Imagine if I had written this in January: “Infectious disease czar Dr. Anthony Fauci made an appearance at the virtual NFL draft, thanking people for practicing social distancing.” Head. Exploded.
*Day 46 without sports … In most of the apocalyptic, us-against-the-world movies, America unites to defend and defeat the enemy of (aliens, meteors, Mother Nature, zombies, etc.) Can’t believe I’m linking to Good Housekeeping but this is a pretty legit list of such films. But our reality is alarming, even disheartening. A predatory enemy has arrived threatening to significantly damage our species, and there is nothing “united” about our states.
*My $1 says Rob Gronkowski’s unretirement party with Tom in Tampa goes better than Jason Witten’s did with Dak in Dallas. Helps that Gronk is only 31 while Witten was 37. Nonetheless, the bar is set at 16 starts, 63 catches, 529 yards and 4 TDs. Any takers?
*Cuban says Dirk and Luka Doncic together in their prime would be sorta kinda comparable to Jordan and Scottie Pippen. On the offensive end, maybe. Defensively? Fuhgeddabouddit.
*Day 47 without sports … During their COVID-19 briefings, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott and Dallas County Judge Clay Jenkins are accented by sign-language interpreters. Made me, and others, wonder why this isn’t the case in The White House?
*Hot.
*Not.
*Sad draft-night news: Dak Prescott’s 31-year-old brother, Jace, passed away unexpectedly. No cause of death yet released. Jace played football at Northwestern State in Louisiana and appeared in those Campbell’s soup ads with Dak. Another tough loss for the family, which saw its mom die from cancer in 2013.
*Day 48 without sports … Anyone remember the norovirus? Chipotle certainly does. The chain was found to be dirty and sloppy with its food handling/storage from 2015-18, resulting in 1,100 patrons getting ill and prompting a $25 million fine – the largest ever in a food-safety case. Not sure how a company recovers from that. But, I admit, I’ve had a burrito bowl or three in the last 12 months.
*Being courtside for Jordan’s game-winning shot in Game 6 of the NBA Finals is near the top of my all-time best sportswriting experiences. No. 1? 6.12.11. For some perspective next time you’re watching Last Dance: Just 10 days after the Bulls won No. 6, the Mavs drafted No. 41.
*A writer right under our noses predicted this pandemic, and has the receipts to prove it. Dallas Pulitzer Prize-winning author Lawrence Wright long wrote stories about the CDC, and in 2017 began a novel about a novel virus that starts in Asia, spreads to the U.S. and eventually shuts down the world. The End of October is available next week.
*Day 49 without sports … In the age of the selfie, ironic that suddenly all we want is some company. When we return to normal, only the true narcissists will be whining for more “me time.”
*Turns out the Boston Red Sox are also sign-stealin’ cheaters. But compared to the Houston Astros, they are merely petty shoplifters to diamond-heist thieves. MLB’s investigation “did not include direct communication between the dugout and the batter’s box.” Once baseball returns, let’s not forget to boo the Astros.
*Day 50 without sports … Interesting that, in response to coronavirus concerns, the U.S. announced this week it will be closing its borders to stifle immigration. Considering we have four times as many cases and twice as many deaths as any other country in the world, shouldn’t they be closing their borders to us?
*Wait, Josh Howard has been hired as the first basketball coach at UNT-Dallas? The same Josh Howard who helped neuter the Mavs’ 2-0 lead in the 2006 NBA Finals by prioritizing his birthday party over game plans? The same Josh Howard that led tiny Piedmont International to a modest 49-49 record in three seasons? The same Josh Howard that once upon a time did this during the National Anthem?
Josh Howard. A coach. A role model. God bless second chances.
*Day 51 without sports … The other day I found myself swinging a primitive axe, just in an attempt to dig up a bush from the flower bed. My Dad, who is recovering from Leukemia, went outside and meticulously scrubbed fly excrement from his car’s hood. And pantries and garages all across the globe are getting extreme makeovers. How bored are we? I even took a minute to see what kind of photo the Hubble Telescope captured in space on my birthday.
*Say a special prayer for the … bookies? Fans have real jobs. Players and coaches make millions. Arena workers are getting financial aid. But nobody misses sports more than bookies.
*This Weekend? While I do admit to sneaking in some (properly social distanced) tennis last week, this forecast looks more like TV in the form of the NFL Draft, Last Dance and Netflix’s After Life. As always, don’t be a stranger.
