SEC Dissection: Digging into unique questions about the SEC most didn't know they had

FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — We are officially a week away from Week 0 of the college football season, which means the media knows as much about SEC teams as they're probably going to know, which is about zero in this era of transfer portals and CIA level secrecy in securing practices from prying eyes.

So, since it's hard to learn much in the traditional sense, it seemed more practical to take a look at the SEC in a much different way. The following includes a special look at a different side of the league's coaches, an anyalysis of some of the quirks in the schedules, and we think about unique players in ways SEC fans don't necessarily approach things before the season even starts.

What Makes Coach Special

Beamer's wife has cookies worth fighting for

South Carolina coach Shane Beamer wasn't about to let any press conference time pass by without setting people straight when it comes to his wife. Her cookies are the bomb and anyone who wants to run their mouth can go bake themselves.

"Guys were just being themselves [on the Netflix documentary], and I'm glad people were able to see on the inside of our program. Having said that, I do have a statement to make.

I think my wife is getting some undue criticism on the cookies that she makes. That's in Episode Five, I believe. She's actually had people that have reached out to her on Netflix telling her that she's not cooking the cookies long enough. So much respect for the people that took the time to reach out to her to criticize her for her cookies, but the cookies are the freaking bomb, just so you guys know, and I've got my girls' back.

She's been making those cookies [since] when I was an assistant coach. She's been making those cookies for my position group that I coached, so the running backs at Virginia Tech, or the tight ends at Georgia, or the tight ends at Oklahoma. And now what she what you saw in that episode was her making the cookies. She does it every Thursday for all the people in this building, so to the people that reached out to her on Instagram to criticize her and telling her that she's not cooking them long enough, come up here on a Thursday after practice, when I put those cookies out and see how fast they're devoured and gone, because they're gone in about five minutes as well.

And reach out to any tight end that university, from the University of Oklahoma, from 2018 to [2020], or Georgia tight end 16 and 17, or any Virginia Tech running back, if you want to ask about the cookies. So I got her back, let me say that. The cookies are awesome. She's cooking them the right way. So, with that, questions."

Key life lessons

Arkansas coach Sam Pittman has a job that he knows can be inconvenient, especially when's he is trying to keep his players out of the heat while scheduling around classes during preseason camp. However, even though he's got nearly 40 years of practice as a married man, he can't help but step in hot water with his better half.

"It felt like it was early [at the 6:20 a.m. practice]. You know how you guys are, but if you got to be somewhere by 5:15 you know you, you feel like you need to wake up at 2 a.m. and you set 19,201 alarms. You know, you have your wife set her alarm, which didn't go too good. You know, Saturday, what's today? Friday? Tomorrow, Jamie and I will be married 39 years, and so you guys haven't been married that long, you still get chewed out if you ask wrong questions."

Worth his weight in gold

Ole Miss defensive coordinator Pete Golding pulls in a reported $2.55 million per year, making him, at least for now, the highest paid assistant in the SEC. That contract begs the question: What schools don't value their head coach as much as the Rebels value Golding as an assistant?

If Golding were a head coach, his salary would fall just below Wake Forest's Jake Dickert and just above South Florida's Alex Golesh. Other names of note making less than Golding include Jeff Traylor (UTSA), Trent Bray (Oregon State), Ryan Silverfield (Memphis), Jeff Monken (Army) and Spencer Danielson (Boise State). That means only 62 coaches make more than him.

Scheduling Quirks

Home sweet home:

On Nov. 21, people will wake up to a world where the Missouri Tigers will have played only two games outside of Columbia all season long.

First SEC game:

Ole Miss vs. Kentucky, Sept. 6, 2:30 p.m.

Latest a team plays its second SEC game:

Arkansas vs. Tennessee, Oct. 11 (2:30 p.m.-7 p.m.)

Wrapping it up early:

Neither Georgia, nor South Carolina play SEC games in the final two weeks of the season. The Bulldogs close out SEC play against Texas on Nov. 15 before playing Charlotte and Georgia Tech to finish out the season.
Meanwhile, South Carolina travels to College Station to finish up the SEC schedule against Texas A&M before hosting Coastal Carolina and Clemson.
Both teams are expected to be in contention for both the playoffs and the SEC championship, which means they could each be watching and waiting for literal weeks as chaos unfolds around them in regard to the SEC title game.

Unique Players

Shortest player in the SEC:

5-foot-7 inches
Vincent Brown (Florida, DB), Seth Davis (Mississippi State, RB), Liam Evans (Oklahoma, PK)

Tallest player in the SEC:

6-foot-10 inches
Jahzare Jackson, Georgia, OL

Lightest player in the SEC:

153 pounds
Zion Ragins, Oklahoma, WR

Heaviest player in the SEC:

387 pounds
Ian Geffrard, Arkansas, DL