NFL Fantasy Football Week 1 Bold Predictions with Alan Goldsher: Bijan Goes Off, Jayden Doesn’t

For us Chicago sports dorks, the first week of any professional season is almost always weird. Some highlights:

On April 6, 1982, a spring blizzard postponed the Chicago White Sox/Boston Red Sox opener at Comiskey Park. (Fun fact: The wind chill dipped down to -3.)

On September 7, 2003, 49ers kicker Jeff Chandler hit five field goals, single-handedly outscoring the Chicago Bears, who were trounced by San Francisco, 49-7. (Fun fact: The Bears managed just 127 total yards, the 23rd lowest total in franchise history.)

On October 31, 2006—opening night of the NBA season—the Chicago Bulls annihilated the defending champion Miami Heat 108-66. (Fun fact: Miami’s future Hall of Famers Dwyane Wade and Shaquille O’Neal combined for 32 points, while Chicago’s future not-Hall of Famers Chris Duhon and Thabo Sefolosha combined for 31.)

But for me, little was weirder than The Shawon Dunston Game.

Because I was there.

It's April 15, 1985

The 4-1 Chicago Cubs are hosting the 1-4 Philadelphia Phillies. The temperature at Wrigley Field hovers in the mid-50s, but The Hawk whipping off of Lake Michigan makes it feel about 38°.

I’m flying solo in the box seats, as I’m the only dummy in my circle of friends willing to freeze their butt off for a meaningless April game.

Led by the likes of Ryne Sandberg, Gary Matthews, Ron Cey, and Rick Sutcliffe, the ‘85 Cubs are a solid squad, but we Cubs nerds are paying extra-close attention to one Shawon Donnell Dunston. A highly-touted infielder, the Brooklyn-born rookie had an impressive five-year minor league run before being anointed the team’s Opening Day starting shortstop.

We nerds are psyched, as Dunston is purported to have a quality batting stroke and a Howitzer for an arm — both of which are sorely needed, as the Cubs’ shortstop the previous season was 97-year-old Larry Bowa.

On this cold afternoon, however, the sight on the rookie’s Howitzer is a tad out of alignment.

IT’S THE TOP of the first. There are two outs. Cubs lefty Steve Trout is on the mound. Phillies lefty Von Hayes is at the plate.

Trout delivers one of his nasty curves. The pitch is outside, but Hayes reaches and taps it opposite field, just to the left of second base. Dunston scoops up the grounder and fires it towards first baseman Leon Durham.

The ball sails about seven feet over Durham’s head and into the stands, nearly decapitating several fans in the sixth row. All 8,347 of us groan.

Fast forward to the third inning. Phils pitcher John Denny — who finished his career with a whopping .180 batting average — steps to the plate. Trout drops a curve to the right hander, who pulls a dribbler just to the left of second base. Again, Dunston scoops up the grounder and fires it towards Durham.

The ball sails about eight feet over Durham’s head and into the stands, nearly decapitating several fans in the seventh row. Again, 8,347 of us groan.

Fast forward to the fourth inning. Phillies lefty Von Hayes is again at the plate. Trout again delivers one of his nasty curves. The pitch is again outside, but Hayes again reaches and taps it opposite field, just to the left of second base. Dunston scoops up the grounder and fires it towards Durham.

This time, before the ball even leaves Dunston’s hand, every single patron sitting behind the first base line ducks. In unison. Like it’s choreographed. And it’s a good thing, because guess where the ball ends up.

All 8,347 of us laugh our asses off.

Dunston went on to have himself a nice, albeit nomadic career in pro baseball, and — ironically considering his performance in his sixth-ever Major League game — he retired with a reputation as a decent fielder, which his percentages bear out:

Shortstop: .955

Outfield: .987

Third Base: .933

Second Base: .966

But on that cold afternoon in April—an afternoon in which the 22-year-old almost sent multiple season ticket holders to the Illinois Masonic Medical Center—one would have never guessed that Dunston would flash quality leather for almost two decades.

Nonetheless, even after he got his Howitzer under control, it wasn’t uncommon for the Wrigley attendees seated behind the visitor’s dugout to take cover when a grounder headed towards the venerable Shawon Donnell Dunston.

Will we see any equally weird weirdness here in Week 1 of the 2025 NFL season? If I have anything to say about it, hells yeah. To that end, let’s see how bizarre things might get in Fantasyland:

Dallas Cowboys vs. Philadelphia Eagles

Eagles WR DeVonta Smith: 125-plus receiving yards and two-plus receiving touchdowns

Not sure if you guys heard, but the Cowboys gave away, er, I mean the Cowboys traded away one of the franchise’s best-ever defenders in Micah Parsons.

In this Parsons-less game, the defending champs will go Full-Madden on the ‘Boys, and Smith will haul in a couple of long-ass TD catches, sending Jerry Jones into the nearest padded room.

Atlanta Falcons vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Falcons RB Bijan Robinson: 200-plus rushing yards and two rushing touchdowns

I know, I know, the 2024 Bucs had the NFL’s fourth-stingiest rushing defense, but, generally speaking, a previous season’s team stats—especially on the defensive side—mean absolutely nada, because new schemes, new personnel, that sort of thing.

In a divisional game in front of a home crowd, Bijan will justify my decision to make him the top-pick in two of my six fantasy leagues. (Six leagues is too many leagues, BTW.)

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Cleveland Browns

Bengals QB Joe Burrow: 400-plus passing yards & Bengals WR Ja’Marr Chase: 99-minus receiving yards

Tee Higgins and Joe Burrow | Sam Greene/The Enquirer / USA TODAY NETWORK via Imagn Images

Two, two, two bold predictions in one! Facing the Browns, Chase—contemporary fantasy football’s eternal WR1—will be held relatively in check by a better-than-competent Cleveland Browns defense.

But what with all the attention given to Chase, his WR cohorts Tee Higgins and Andrei Iosivas will each top 100 receiving yards. And making things even bolder, Iosivas will out-yardage Higgins.

Miami Dolphins vs. Indianapolis Colts

Colts QB Daniel Jones: 100-plus rushing yards and team’s leading rusher

That Jonathan Taylor guy is pretty good at football—both fantasy and reality—but how good? Welp, of the Colts RB’s 67 NFL games, he’s topped 100 yards in just 24, meaning that he’ll have a mere 36% percent chance to hit the century mark.

This’ll be one of the non-100-yarders, and Jones—who isn’t as bad as you think he is (and you probably think he’s really bad)—will pick up the ground attack slack.

Las Vegas Raiders vs. New England Patriots

Raiders RB Ashton Jeanty: 175-plus all-purpose yards

Remember when the Raiders were scary af? Probably not, since it was back in 1983. Remember when the Patriots were scary af? Most likely, because it was just seven years ago.

Remember when the Raiders and the Patriots both stunk? Of course you do, because was, like, six months ago.

But the Raiders are headed down a less stinky track, thanks in part to rookie Jeanty, who’ll fulfill expectations and then some in Foxborough.

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. New York Jets

Steelers QB Aaron Rodgers: Five-plus interceptions

I have no facts or figures to support this one. It’s just that as a Bears fan, I despise Rodgers more than any professional athlete, ever—okay, maybe it’s a tie with Bill Laimbeer—so my hope is that if I type it here, it’ll come true on the Meadowlands turf.

Visit this space each and every week for the latest and greatest in Rodgers dissing.

New York Giants vs. Washington Commanders

Commanders QB Jayden Daniels: Two-plus interceptions, two-plus sacks, and under 200 total yards

Two things: First, remember how the NFL kinda figured out C.J. Stroud between his freshman and sophomore season in Houston? And second, the Giants defense, led by frightening rookie Abdul Carter, looks freakin’ great. So it’ll be a fugly day for Jayden 2.0.

San Francisco 49ers vs. Seattle Seahawks

Seahawks QB Sam Darnold: Less than 125 passing yards

I’m not a Sam Darnold truther, and I’m not alone.

I know, I know, last year with the Vikings, he was a beast—his 102.6 passer rating was sixth in the league—but he was coached up by QB whisperer Kevin O’Connell, and he was throwing to Justin Jefferson and Jordan Addison, and with all those factors in place, my 12-year-old daughter could’ve easily hit 102.6. Easily.

But Slingin’ Sammy’s career passer rating outside of Minneapolis was 80.0, and last time I looked, Seattle was outside of Minneapolis, so here we are.

Houston Texans vs. Los Angeles Rams

Houston RB Woody Marks: 50-plus-yard TD run

Jo’Quavious Dequane Marks was one of the happy surprises of the 2025 preseason, looking quick, decisive, and legit. The rest of the Houston running back room, maybe not so much.

Without Joe Mixon in uniform, it’ll be running back by committee, with the shifty rookie bringing the funk.

Minnesota Vikings vs. Chicago Bears

Bears QB Caleb Williams: 375-plus passing yards

As a Bears nerd, I have no choice but to go wayyyy overboard on Caleb. But there’s some semblance of precedent: When new Bears coach Ben Johnson was offensive coordinating in Detroit, his QB Jared Goff twice threw for 400-plus yards. So go Caleb, go.