Men's Basketball: Horns Down, Fingers Up, Part Wherever We're At Now
It inevitably happens, when I think comedy in the 21st century is dead and I despair to devote my talents to pantomime, when my sports writing threatens me with the prospect of becoming serious, when I fear I'll have to retreat from public discourse with a resigned and final silence, much to the delight of the KillerFrog Fan Forum Literary Review Board, when a laugh can't be found within a thousand miles, and the spectrum of collegiate athletics appears about as enjoyable as our politics, a little school a couple hours' drive south turns back up in the news and all is right with the world.
And jokes are in order.
Texas Head Coach Rodney Terry watches the pre-game video ahead of the Longhorns' game against the Baylor Bears at the Moody Center in Austin, Jan 20, 2024.
But first, a serious note. It is no laughing matter. Dear Reader, if you value your digital welfare I advise you invest in gauntlets: the University of Texas objects to your God-given right to the free use of your fingers.
Or at least their men's basketball coach, Rodney Terry, does. As I understand it, from an article forwarded to me by The Barry Lewis, somewhat recently, Texas suffered a 77-71 loss in Austin to UCF (whoever that may be).
It would seem that in a moment of celebratory gloating, a few UCF players raised their forefinger and pinkie, as every Austinian in existence is wont to do, and turned their collective wrists down, as no Austinian in existence would ever do.
Blasphemy laws were violated. And Mr. Terry is not happy about it.
Evidently, he yelled at UCF's players, on the court (which must have been simply delightful to witness), accusing them of being "classless" and ordered them to abstain--or, in his words: "Don't do that s---."
It would appear UCF's use of their forefinger and pinkies was so insulting he was still on about it a half hour later. Reader, beware: you are about to peruse the absolutely dumbest rant in the history, not only of sports, but all competition dating back to the Trojan War: "When you do those kinds of things, it looks very classless, and it also looks like you were just hoping to win." (He said that.)
As many readers out there may be aware, I'm a sports ignoramus. I know nothing about sports. Not next to nothing. Not right at nothing. Not about nothing. Nothing absolute. Nothing finally. Nothing exactly. Einstein knew less about physics than I don't know about sports. That is to say, there is no one on earth whose knowledge base about anything exceeds that of my ignorance about everything sports-related.
And dear reader, even I know that, in any sports competition, when everyone wears a certain color and flashes certain signs, with their God-given right to their fingers, and stand in unison at the same time, they hope to win. To hope otherwise would be, if not impossible, insane.
Mr. Terry went on: "We never go into games trying to hope to win" (makes sense). "We go into games expecting to win" (which might go some way to explain your not winning). "So we don't act like that. We don't jump up and down and act like we won the national championship. We sure don't step on anyone's home court and act crazy and try to show them up in any way. We don't do that."
Okay. At this point, it might be worth asking: what do you do, aside from complain, ad nauseam, about a harmless gesture you could quite simply, risking the honor of bovine creatures everywhere, ignore?
Worth considering: perhaps, were UT to curb its arrogance, and simply ignore what other people do with their fingers, opposing teams would be less inclined to commit such unconscionable offenses with their wrists.
And for God's sake, take it from a Sports Ignoramus: better to take a joke than to run the risk of being one.
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