Remembering the Tailgate: A Tribute to a College Football Tradition on Hold

Six weeks from when college football was ready to begin another glorious season, sadness has set in from the Southeast to the Northwest.

A revered institution is in mothballs: Tailgating.

With the pandemic baring its ugly teeth now whenever hordes of happy, imbibing people congregate closely together, the idea of partying with all of your besties in a similar manner before the big game might be a thing of the past for some time.

Maybe it goes away completely.

At the very least that painted gold van with the big "W" on the side stays parked in the garage in the months ahead.

And that animated keyboardist in the accompanying video won't mesmerize us at Husky Stadium this November with his rendition of "Come Together."

In response to the unthinkable disruption to the collegiate scene, eulogies are cropping up all over social media in the form of tailgating top 10 lists.

A moment of silence, please — to pay homage to a couple of hours of pigging out, downing one too many shots and likely having to catch the game on a TV replay later.

Now the trouble with this exercise of ranking tailgates is the people who create these things often have never been anywhere outside of their own conferences. Maybe not even outside of the local stadium.

And what do you grade regarding this cherished part of Americana?

Food? Fights? Beautiful people? Alcohol? Scenery? Hangovers?

This is the @GreatestSetting in College Football.#PurpleReign x #BowDown pic.twitter.com/Rq4r81QLGe
— Washington Football (@UW_Football) April 6, 2020

Most of these lists are filled up with SEC teams. Think about that. No one can convince us in the Northwest that eating, drinking and sweating profusely in 95-degree heat is the most fun you've ever had.

We're also averse to the excessive groupings of humanity. We're thinking Michigan Stadium, where 107,000 push and shove their way to get inside the Big House, isn't all that memorable either.

One list had UCLA on it because the fans party before every home game outside of the prestigious Rose Bowl in the Arroyo Secca setting. Now if you never play there on New Year's Day anymore — and the Bruins haven't been to the actual bowl game since 1999 — how much fun can that be?

So after collecting all of this input disseminated online and having personally visited more stadiums than most of these eager list-makers, here's a stab at something that might make the most sense, or not, as we offer a wistful look at a tradition put on hold for who knows how long:

1. Nebraska

In a country bitterly divided by politics, go to Lincoln and meet the nicest and most welcoming college football fans in the country. These are people who want you to embrace the heartland and it works. Need something to drink? No problem. Need some beef strips or a hamburger to chew on? Got it covered. The 90,000 who show up immediately become Nebraska's third-largest city.

2. Ole Miss

The Grove, a quaint tree-lined lane, on game day fills up eight acres of regal campus space. It is a Southern place to see and be seen. The men and women dress impeccably for this graceful football endeavor. And no matter how good the team is, there's always an overflow crowd that seems to enjoy itself.

3. LSU

If you're looking for rowdy, this is the place. It's the total opposite of Nebraska. Once the drinks start flowing, people get revved up. Frat fights are not uncommon. The food is hard to match elsewhere, north or south, with alligator, gumbo, frog legs, barbecue, baby-back ribs and jambalaya coming in large helpings.

4. Washington

Seattle's geographical setting has no peer anywhere in college football. OK, the Colorado campus looks out on the Rocky Mountains — but it doesn't have a lake. A giant Lake Washington, backed by Cascade Mountains. Hundreds of boats park off the shoreline, where people tailgate or shuttle in to tailgate on land. The stadium looks new after its remodel. Fans are treated to brilliant sunshine and no humidity. Did we mention the giant lake?

5. Tennessee

Another water setting, this one on the Tennessee River. It caters to the Vol Navy and a sea of orange. This place can get a bit rowdy as well. The alcohol concoctions, from this region of the country, are, let us say, traditionally creative. If this team ever regained its previous stature as an SEC contender, the party would be even better. But the party's not bad at all.

6. Texas A&M

Kyle Field is the "home of the 12th Man," something the Seattle Seahawks had no problem calling their own. Festivities get going the night before, though the traditional "Aggie Bonfire" was discontinued following a 1999 tragedy. Game-day hangovers are not that unusual because of the early start to the weekend, and the mood toward opposing fans can be a little less conciliatory.

7. Penn State

As many as 115,000 Nittany Lions fans converge on a town of 42,000, located three and a half hours from Philadelphia and two hours from Pittsburgh. Traffic is horrible. Charcoal grills and fire pits are banned because a couple of cars once caught on fire. Other than that, it's a whole lot of people coming together in the middle of nowhere and having some fun.

8. Alabama

We're talking Tuscaloosa, not Birmingham, for those northerners not up on their Bama geography. College football's modern-day powerhouse brings together an entire region of people who have nothing else to cheer for except NASCAR. Houndstooth, a black and white checkered pattern made famous by legendary coach Paul "Bear" Bryant, covers everything, including dresses, hats, pants, shoes and food utensils. It's a confident and fun-loving though poorly dressed crowd.

9. Wisconsin

The Badgers supplement great football with really bad food. Bad as in tasty, irresistible and highly caloric morsels. Naturally, Wisconsin is famous for its beer and there's no shortage of that. You use it to wash down all of the cheese products produced by the state as well as a wide range of greasy and fatty foods. While the football is good for you, the cuisine is not. Dive in anyway.

10. Texas

Longhorns football hasn't fully recovered and returned to its glorious past after a downturn, but the tailgating is still top 10. Texas-style barbecue wafts through the air outside Texas Memorial Stadium. It smells so good, people sometimes don't care what happens inside.

There you have it. Tradition ingrained in every part of the country but put on hold until the world gets properly disinfected from novel coronavirus.

For now, you're just going to have to sit home and dip those store-bought chips into that brand-name salsa, and like it. Watch whatever games from empty stadiums make it on TV. Cheer in silence. And call your friends on the phone.

Follow Dan Raley of Husky Maven on Twitter: @DanRaley1 and @HuskyMaven

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