D.C. Lobbyist Reportedly Prepares Legislation Banning Gay Players from the NFL

Monday February 24th, 2014

Senior Bowl

Horrified at the idea of Michael Sam being drafted, one top Washington lobbyist claims to be working on legislation that would keep gays out of his favorite dog piles of men in tight pants:

Washington lobbyist Jack Burkman on Monday said he is preparing legislation that would ban gay athletes from joining the National Football League (NFL).

Burkman in a statement said he has garnered political support for the bill, though his statement didn’t mention any specific lawmakers who are behind it.

”We are losing our decency as a nation,” Burkman said in a statement. "Imagine your son being forced to shower with a gay man. That’s a horrifying prospect for every mom in the country. What in the world has this nation come to?”

Burkman reportedly finds prostitutes consistent with our decency as a nation, though, so Richie Incognito is safe at least.


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