Nobody Broke Fantasy Football—but ESPN Still Tried To Fix It

When I’m the commissioner of a fantasy football league—which seems to be every season, because I’m way nicer than my friends—I’m all for adding silly bonus points into the scoring mix.

A three-point bonus for 100 rushing yards? Then four for 125? Then five for 150? Yes, please.

Ten points for a touchdown of 90-plus yards? Heck, yeah.

How about 15 points for a strip-sack? Or 12 for a pick-six? Bring it on.

Those are just minor tweaks, and minor is all that's needed because most everybody agrees that, generally speaking, fantasy football is just fine as it is.

Welp, it appears that ESPN isn't most everybody.

Mr. FixIt

ESPN’s Daniel Dopp is fantasy football insurgent who, in a June 6 treatise, suggested ten ways to make your fantasy football league more fun—FWIW, my leagues are plenty fun, but whatever—those ten being:

1) Increase the Number of Teams In Your League

ESPN’s Take: “Being in a 12-team league really stretches your knowledge of NFL depth charts. I consider 12 to be the sweet spot for league size.”

My Take: 12-team drafts take forever, plus do you really want to freak out each Tuesday if you don’t land a WR6 on your waiver wire to replace your injured WR5? Yeah, me neither.

2) Make the Switch To a Salary Cap Draft

ESPN’s Take: “It's the most fun you can have in a draft. Period.”

My Take: Too damn stressful. Period.

3) Ditch Kickers and Defenses

ESPN’s Take: “I'm not against kickers and defenses, rather I'm for adding more well-known players to your team.”

My Take: There’s something special about having, say, the Denver Broncos D put up 28 points and win you a given week.

4) Add a Superflex Position

ESPN’s Take: “This allows you to have a slightly higher-scoring league without changing the scoring system.”

My Take: Eh. I’m plenty happy with my two-QB league.

5) Incorporate “TE Premium” Scoring

ESPN’s Take: “If your league awards one point per reception, your tight end would earn 1.5 It's a fun way to make the TE position have a little more oomph.”

My Take: Um, don’t Brock Bowers, Travis Kelce, George Kittle, Trey McBride, Sam LaPorta, Jonnu Smith, and Mark Andrews already offer plenty of oomph?

6) Increase the Number of IR Slots

ESPN’s Take: “The default league setting is one injured reserve (IR) spot, but by adding at least one more it allows managers to avoid playing with a depleted roster.”

My Take: I’ve never been a part of a league that doesn’t have at least two IR spots. Next.

7) Change From Waivers To FAAB To Determine Pickups

ESPN’s Take: “This allows for more strategy when working the waiver wire, since you have a finite budget, and allows for ALL teams to be active on waivers, not just the ones at the bottom of the standings.”

My Take: I mean, don’t like half of the leagues you’ve ever played in use FAAB? Yeah, me too, so this doesn’t belong in the “fix” category, but rather the “personal preference” category.

8) Try Adding a Keeper Element

ESPN’s Take: “It's a really fun way to impact the league, because even teams out of playoff contention can make moves to help bolster their squad for next season.”

My Take: To reiterate, don’t like half of the leagues you’ve ever played in include keepers? Yeah, me too, so this doesn’t belong in the “fix” category, but rather the “personal preference” category.

9) Make It a Dynasty League

ESPN’S Take: “If you want to establish your dominance as the best general manager among your friends, there's no better way to do it than by showcasing your dynasty superiority.”

My Take: Dynasty Leagues are an entirely separate animal that, if you insist on suggesting a fix (which you shouldn’t), would require an entirely separate article.

10) End of the Year Award For Last Place

ESPN’s Take: “Something like, the loser has to carry out a punishment, and the winner gets the No. 1 overall pick next season.”

My Take: Say what, now?