An SF Giants fan's guide to the MLB postseason's Wild-Card round
For the second straight season, the SF Giants won't be part of the MLB playoffs. But that's no reason to deny yourself the joy and misery of arbitrarily supporting or hating a team that did make it. Let us break down the matchups to figure out
National League
No. 6 Arizona Diamondbacks at No. 3 Milwaukee Brewers
Milwaukee: The Brewers have no former Giants on the roster, despite being a frequent trade partner of the orange and black. However they do have a player with the same name as one of San Francisco's most frequent national anthem performers, first baseman Carlos Santana.
Do these teams have any bad blood? All we could find was one game wher Milwaukee manager Craig Counsell got ejected on Willie Mays’ birthday for arguing a balk call based on a difference of opinion about whether a mound visit canceled out a “disengagement.” Mays left the park early, and, we assume, in disgust at the new baseball rules.
Arizona: They have former Giants third baseman Evan Longoria. Arizona cruelly released former World Series MVP and future Oracle Park statue Madison Bumgarner, and traded for Joc Pederson's mortal fantasy football enemy Tommy Pham mid-season. Also, the rude Arizona outfielders snagged every ball the Giants hit to the outfield during their series last month.
Verdict: Brewers, easily. The Giants don't need Corbin Carroll getting any more confident since they're going to have to face him for the next decade.
No. 5 Miami Marlins at No. 4 Philadelphia Phillies
Philadelphia: The Phillies have Zack Wheeler, who never played for the Giants before he was traded to the Mets for 44 games of Carlos Beltran in 2011. Since then he’s won 87 games in the big leagues, roughly five for every RBI Beltran had for the Giants.
They also have Bryce Harper. Have you heard he almost signed with the Giants the year he went to the Phillies? Finally, they have former Dodger Trea Turner, who was pretty bad in the 2021 NLDS but still a Dodger.
These teams do have a few brawls in the recent past. There was a bench-clearing brawl in 2011, one year after the Giants defeated the Phillis in the NLCS - thanks Cody Ross! Ramon Ramirez beaned Shane Victorino, Eli Whiteside hopped around and tackled Placido Polanco, and Jimmy Rollins shoved Ron Wotus.
The Giants also fought with Bryce Harper in 2017 when meathead closer Hunter Strickland beaned Harper as revenge for hitting a home run off him two and a half years earlier. Just like Buster Posey, who steps back in disgust to let Harper get a free run at Strickland, we're on Harper's side here.
Miami: The Giants have a bitter history with this team, losing to the Marlins in the first round of the playoffs in 1997 and 2003. Also a Marlin wrecked Buster Posey's ankle in 2011.
However, Miami has beloved former Giants pitcher and horse-lover Johnny Cueto. He’s unlikely to be on the playoff roster, but just imagine how excited he’d be if there were police horses at a postgame celebration. No wild Philly fans would dare to punch a police horse if Cueto was there.
Verdict: Giants fans should support Cueto and the Marlins. He deserves to finally make some money in his career. Plus, with every game the Phillies play, that’s at least four more chances for a national tragedy to coincide with a Nick Castellanos home run.
American League
No. 6 Toronto Blue Jays at No. 3 Minnesota Twins
Minnesota: The Twins resigned Carlos Correa after failed physicals voided his free agent contracts with both the Giants and the New York Mets. He went on to have a disappointing season, slashing .230/.312/.399. That being said, his 18 homers and 65 RBIs would have been second on the Giants in those categories.
Minnesota also has 2020 Silver Slugger Donovan Solano. The 2023 Giants have two former Twins, first baseman LaMonte Wade Jr. and Tyler Rogers' left-handed brother Taylor. Ironically enough, it's the Giants who have the twins now! So does Minnesota manager Rocco Baldelli, whose wife gave birth to twins in September.
Toronto: Toronto has the most beloved former SF Giant in former self-appointed team captain Brandon Belt, who signed as a free agent with the Jays last winter. Apropos of nothing, here are some statistics.
Michael Conforto: 239/.334/.384. 15 home runs.
Mitch Haniger: .209/.266/.365. 6 home runs.
Brandon Belt: 254/.369/.490. 19 home runs.
Toronto also has Kevin Gausman, the right-hander who became an ace in his two years with the Giants and then left in free agency after an All-Star season. He also hit a walk-off sacrifice fly that year.
Finally, the Blue Jays' backup catcher is Forever Giant Tyler Heineman, who played 15 games for the 2020 Giants.
Verdict: Easiest pick so far. You have to support Gausman and the Captain, who should be especially motivated facing a team from the Land of a Thousand Lakes. That's a lot of boats.
No. 5 Texas Rangers at No. 3 Tampa Bay Rays
Texas: This is Brucy Bochy's team, the man forced out of the job where he won three titles and replaced by a muscular, analytics-obsessed younger man who sages the batting cages when the players are slumping (Note: All of those things are cool). Now Gabe Kapler has been fired and Bochy is back in the playoffs where he belongs. You can all it revenge, but Boch would call it championship blood.
Aside from Bochy, the Rangers have former Giants reliever Will Smith, who surely heard an intolerable number of jokes about the Oscars in the past 18 months. They traded for the Giants 2012 first-round pick Chris Stratton at the deadline. Stratton helped the Giants to the wild card in 2016 and led the team in wins in 2018.
It's a little hard to root for old Dodgers Corey Seager and Max Scherzer, and it's even harder to support closer Aroldis Chapman, who once fired a gun during a domestic violence incident.
Tampa Bay: For the record, this is the only professional sports team named after a body of water instead of a city or state. “Tampa” is the name of the city, and they play in St. Petersburg. In our opinion, they’re stealing Bay valor.
The Rays have former Giants reliever Zack Littell, who was very good for them in 2021 and not quite so good in 2022. He also had an argument with Gabe Kapler on the mound, which should endear him to one particular Giants fan named Larry Krueger. Tampa started using Littell as a starter at midseason and in return Littell stopped walking anyone, ever (Nine walks in 87 innings).
While Tampa lost the World Series, they did beat the Dodgers in an immensely satisfying ending of Game Four in 2020.
It’s hard to support the Rays because they embody some of the most annoying elements of the Farhan Zaidi era. Zaidi makes many deals with Tampa, so the Giants are the eager recipients of the Rays’ extra players whenever they run out of room on their 40-man roster. Those players haven’t yet panned out.
There's Joe McCarthy, who went 0-for-10 in four games with the 2020 Giants. Ricardo Pinto never played for Giants. Daniel Robertson went 7-21, all singles, with three walks in 2020. They released Hunter Pence to add Robertson to the roster. Anthony Banda never pitched for the Giants, and was later traded for someone named Will Toffey. Michael Plassmeyer never played for the Giants and was traded for Austin Wynns. Ben Bowden never pitched for the Giants. Ford Proctor went 2-18 in 2022 though he did hit a grand slam.
This year's Rays acquistion, Brett Wisely, slashed .175/.231/.267 in 51 games this year. That’s an OPS+ of 38. Farhan Zaidi has a roster shuffling addiction, and the Tampa Bay Rays are his dealer. This has to end.
Verdict: We're going with the Hall of Fame manager with the largest head in baseball. Go Rangers.
