Dallas Mavs Build-Around-Luka Offseason Plan: What Exactly Was - Is - It?
Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …
*Other than nothing, what are the Dallas Mavs doing this offseason? What, exactly, was the plan? What, exactly, is the plan?
Even Luka Doncic close buddy Goran Dragic turned down Dallas because it wanted him to be a … cheerleader?
*At this point the Mavs need anyone – someone – to boost our offseason morale before the warm-’n-fuzzy feelings from May’s run to the Western Conference Finals totally evaporates. Maybe a complex deal bringing in a 35-year-old point guard would do the trick?
*Welcome to the dog days, a stagnant stretch of Summer where our thermometers live above 100, the Dallas Cowboys are a couple weeks shy of training camp, the Dallas Mavericks are busy doing nothing in free agency and the Texas Rangers are toiling away under .500 entering the All-Star break.
Only cure for hot weather and dead sports is a … debate?
Was talking – then arguing – with a buddy this week about which sport requires the most athleticism. He claimed it was hockey. And I recalled once upon a time Texas Motor Speedway boss Eddie Gossage trying to persuade me that NASCAR drivers were not only athletes, but better athletes than soccer players.
Got me to thinking (i.e., killing time), which sport truly has the world’s best athletes?
Football requires strength and speed, but minimizes endurance. Basketball requires agility and stamina, but minimizes strength. Hockey requires skating and fighting. And baseball? Basically just some hand-eye coordination the ability to constantly spit.
Which sport's combined athletes would win a Superstars team competition? Grab a cold beer and indulge in a hot debate.
My ranking of every known sport on an athletic scale of 1-10:
SPORT RANK COMMENT
Sportswriting -0.1 Those who can't play, write.
Fishing 0.0 Sitting and drinking.
Quarters 0.1 Sitting and drinking and laughing.
Spelling Bee 0.2 Standing and thinking.
Archery 0.3 One finger.
Poker 0.3 Sunglasses, indoors.
Video Gaming 0.4 Several fingers.
Darts 0.5 One hand.
Paper-Rock-Scissors 0.7 Two hands.
Eating 0.8 Two hands, active jaws.
Billiards 0.8 Better when you're drunk.
Bowling 1.0 Much better when you're drunk.
Curling 1.1 Movement via sliding.
Cricket 1.2 Dockers and breaks for tea.
Auto racing 1.2 Sitting in vibrating heat. But still, sitting.
Frisbee Golf 1.3 Movement via walking.
Weightlifting 1.4 Stationary grunting.
Golf 1.5 Movement via longer walking.
Motorcycle Racing 1.5 Passively moved; not actively moving.
Horse Racing 1.6 Movement via horsepower, not manpower.
Skydiving/BASE 1.7 Jumping, landing and courage.
Paintball 1.8 Sporadic running and diving.
Badminton 1.8 Quickness and jumping.
Skateboarding 1.9 Push start.
Bobsledding 2.0 Push start with heavier object.
Sex 2.1 Further research required.
Rowing/Kayaking 2.2 Stamina via monotonous motion.
Swimming 2.3 Stamina via monotonous motion, sans oars.
Ping Pong 2.4 Cardio and creativity.
Softball 2.7 What are the bases, like 18 feet apart?
Rodeo 2.8 Animals do most of the heavy lifting.
Skiing 3.0 Controlled chaos.
Ice Skating 3.5 Jumping on skates.
Snowboarding 3.7 Uncontrolled chaos, with balance.
Fencing 4.0 Constant movement amidst danger.
Surfing 4.6 Paddling. Crouching. Balancing. Fighting.
Cheerleading 4.7 The pyramids, not the preening.
Cycling 4.9 Legs ’n lungs.
Racquetball 5.0 Hand-eye coordination with quickness.
Wrestling 5.2 Go rassle your brother for two minutes.
Field 5.3 High-jumpers, not shot-putters
Handball 5.4 Racquetball, without the racquet.
Baseball 5.5 Two words: Babe. Ruth.
Ice Hockey 5.7 Still don't get the only 90-second shifts.
Volleyball 5.8 Hitting, while jumping. After running.
Field hockey 6.0 Ice hockey without the skates.
Tennis 6.5 Two words: Rafael. Nadal.
Boxing 6.8 Pound-for-pound, still incredibly athletic.
Mixed Martial Arts 7.0 Add kicking and it's one pound better.
Good Sex 7.5 Initial research required.
Track 7.9 Strength, channeled into speed and stamina.
Water Polo 8.0 Seriously, how the hell do they do that?
Football 8.3 Too much down time on bench, in huddles.
Rugby 8.7 Guy-picking-up-the-other-guy throw-ins?
Gymnastics 8.8 Most underrated athletes on the list.
Soccer 9.0 If only they were allowed to use their hands.
Lacrosse 9.4 Ta-da! See above.
Basketball 9.5 Broad athleticism plus refined skills.
Aussie Rules Football 10.0 Football + hockey + basketball + soccer.
*Speaking of debates, you’ve likely struggled to accurately assess Dak Prescott. ESPN surveyed 50 NFL front-office decision-makers and, what do ya know, he’s a Top 10 quarterback.
*Bet you a nickel you can’t come close to naming the last 10 Rangers – before this Martin Perez and Corey Seager this year, of course – to make the All-Star team. 2021: Joey Gallo, Adolis Garcia, Kyle Gibson; 2019: Mike Minor, Hunter Pence; 2018: Shin-Soo Choo; 2017: Yu Darvish; 2016: Ian Desmond, Cole Hammels; 2015: Prince Fielder. I totally forgot Desmond played in Arlington. Much less that he apparently played well.
*Stunned and saddened at this week’s sudden passing of long-time DFW radio engineer guru Ted Nichols-Payne. During my time at 105.3 The Fan he was the man who made me sound good, even if I wasn’t making sense. At age 56 and still an avid cyclist, he collapsed outside Globe Life Field and never recovered. I’m no doctor, but I can’t help but think him literally dropping dead was a product of long-haul COVID complications. When I interviewed him in August 2020 from his hospital bed, it was scary stuff. RIP, TNP.
*Hot.
*Not.
*This isn’t the Cowboys tooting their own Super Bowl horn. This is a media outlet touting Dallas as one of 12 teams with a legitimate chance to win Super Bowl LVII.
*Depending mostly on where you were born and/or where you live, you believe our universe is either 6,000 years old or a ripe old 13.8 billion. Considering that drastic of a divide, it’s amazing we agree on anything. Science, for what it’s worth, took another step this week toward proving its point.
*Though she’s being both petty and funny while merely trying to sidestep breaking the law, this Plano woman makes a pretty savvy point: Considering Texas’ law that legally recognizes “life” at conception, should the unborn baby in her tummy count as a passenger in the HOV lane? I say dismiss her ticket, based on creativity alone.
*I could pretend to care about Sunday’s Major League Baseball draft. Or not.
*For the most part, I think DFW weatherpeeps are running a scam to drive up extremes and increase their importance. I get that in the Winter a strong north wind makes it feel colder. Wind chill, as it were. But, given the fact that we’re always fanning ourselves to cool off in the Summer, why doesn’t a southerly breeze also make it feel Hell-ish on a hot day? Instead, the TV talking heads ignore the wind’s positive effect on our comfort and offer the dreaded “heat index.” Truth: “Today’ high will hit 103, but with that 15-20 mph wind from the South it will only feel like 99.”
*As a tennis geek, I’m embarrassed by America’s drought. Once we had on the court at the same time John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors, Andre Agassi, Pete Sampras and Jim Courier. Now? The last American man to win a major was Andy Roddick in 2003. The last to win Wimbledon was Sampras in 2000. Other than Venus and Serena Williams – God bless ’em – the last American woman to win on the grass was Lindsay Davenport in 1999. Hope, however, might be on the horizon and right in our backyard: McKinney 16-year-old Liv Hovde won the Wimbledon Girls’ Championship last week.
*Give me people who drive slow and walk fast over those that drive fast and walk slow.
*This Weekend? Friday let’s brave the heat for some tennis. Sunday let’s brave the heat for some golf. As always, don’t be a stranger.
