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Hello? Anybody desire becoming the University of Colorado’s “rival” in football? The Big 12 conference, now 16 teams, announced recently the 2024 schedule for its member institutions. Maybe it would be a good time to pause and offer a prize to anybody who can name all the schools in the conference spanning, because the state of Arizona doesn’t observe Daylight Savings Time, four time zones? Lunch at Pasta Jay’s on me!

Big 12 commissioner Brett Yormark bragged about the new league maintaining “traditional rivalries like Arizona/Arizona State, Utah/BYU and Kansas/Kansas State.” Okay that’s six teams out of 16. What about the others? If criteria for a “rivalry” includes geographical proximity to one another?

Maybe you could convince Cincinnati and West Virginia to forge hatred considering the eastern time zone schools are only 300 miles apart? Waco, Texas-based Baylor and Houston? 185 miles. Lubbock and Forth Worth, home to Texas Tech and Texas Christian respectively? 314 miles of flat asphalt, armadillos and rattle snakes separate the cities.

That leaves the forgotten four. What to do, Colorado, Oklahoma State, Iowa State and Central Florida? Who’s your rival?

Forgive me for taking a trip down memory lane to forays into Lincoln, Nebraska the day after Thanksgiving every other year. Memorial Stadium is a sea of red with Husker fans crunched into every nook and cranny. A great college football atmosphere. Game day? It’s the third-largest city in the nation’s 37th state. Thanksgiving night meant dinner in the state’s capital city at the excellent steak house, Misty’s.

The University of Nebraska marching band would always parade through the establishment blaring the ‘Husker fight song while many visiting black and gold believers would rise in defiance and proclaim, “Roll up that mighty score, never give in, shoulder to shoulder we will fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!”

I’ll never forget one particular year. I think it was either 2002 or 2004. Now deceased late father and older brother and teenage son, now 33, joined the fun in Lincoln. After feasting at Misty’s the night before the big game, the four McIntosh males bedded down in one room with two beds at the Cornhusker Inn. It seemed a restful evening despite somewhat cramped sleepingarrangements. Oops.

“Dad,” proclaimed sports-loving lad, “I didn’t sleep worth a darn last night.” Apparently snoozing with Grandpa Mac, Uncle Mike and his old man included far too much snoring, snorting and flatulence from the foursome’s elder members. “It sounded and smelled like a bunch of farm animals in here.” Hey dude, it’s the price paid for free tickets, room, meals and being a McIntosh. Sorry.

Shortly thereafter, a sleep-deprived youngster donned one of his prized possessions: A CU football helmet then coach Gary Barnett had gifted to the dark-haired and handsome middle schooler. Kyle wore the head gear with pride into that sea of 90,000 red-clad rooters. There’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity. He crossed it. However, it was impressive how the Husker faithful reacted with good-natured fun, not vitriol. A father forever grateful for such grace. Nebraska fans love their team far more than despising an opponent.

An aging and whimsical sports journalist who spent two decades embedded inside the Buffaloes football team longs for yesteryears. Yep. When rivals wore red. The Buffs and Huskers should play each year, regardless of what conference either dwells. The day where dining in hostile territory meant the opponent’s marching band thrusting a trombone into your wedge salad. That’s a rival!

It’s been stolen in pursuit of the almighty dollar. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and Colorado champions of all ages? Let me introduce you to the Buffs new conference rival: Okie State.

Stillwater, Oklahoma. Approximately 520 miles from Boulder, located in a neighboring state and about as different, culturally, as modern-day Democrats and Republicans. Recollections of the quaint college town an hour drive west of Tulsa revolve around two things: A wonderful watering hole called Eskimo Joe’s and the stench coming from the pork feeding and slaughtering facilities on the edge of town.

Well, at least the Buffs’ new rival keeps the “farm animal” theme alive.