Kansas Jayhawks Player Ratings to the Theme of Ways to Eat Oreos
There were quite a few cool dunks in the Big XII quarterfinal between Kansas and West Virginia, so what better way to rate the players than by dunks. But we’re not going traditional here at player ratings headquarters. Nope. We’re incorporating cookies. There’s no wrong way to eat America’s greatest cookie is there? No! But some ways are better than others. Let’s examine. Here’s what it takes to be rated in each category:
5 Stars: Out of this world performance. This is a hard to achieve rating and is only reserved for the most impressive or impressionable performances.
4.5 Stars: Very strong performance, packed the stat sheet, provided undeniable intangibles.
4 Stars: A strong performance that falls just short of the standards above.
3.5 Stars: Above average performance, perhaps stands out in one category or one aspect of the game.
3 Stars: Average performance. Also could be a very strong game in one aspect but a very poor game in another such as 15 points but seven turnovers. Could also be that the player played, did their job, but didn't do much spectacularly.
2 Stars: Below average performance, or we simply have higher expectations for the player on this particular night.
1 Star: Rare, but if a player has a stinker in all aspects.
Memorial No Star: Named after former KU walk-on Chris Teahan and is awarded to the player(s) who didn't have enough playing time to contribute or whose performance isn't worthy of a rating for another reason.
5 Stars: Dunking in milk
This is a basketball article above all else, so dunking had to be number one. Somehow the humble Oreo becomes even better when saturated in milk. Perfection.
(Note: if it were up to me, I’d toss a few Oreos in the bottom of a glass of milk, let them sit there for about three minutes and then retrieve them with a spoon. In the eyes of my wife, I do this because I’m a monster.)
There weren’t any five stars, but there were some that came close.
4.5 Stars: Cookies and Cream Ice Cream
One of the top ice cream flavors, I love the way the Oreos harden in the ice cream. The texture is pretty unbeatable.
Jalen Wilson had 22 points and drove to the hoop with authority throughout the game. The Big XII Player of the Year added 11 rebounds to finish his afternoon with yet another double-double.
What a game Dajuan Harris had. Thirteen points, eight assists, four rebounds, and five steals. He’s the man that runs this team and KU is so much better with Juan on the court.
Gradey Dick went four of seven from three in this one and finished with 18 points. He also showed some aggression going to the rim on a few occasions.
4 Stars: Just eating them
Hey, I’m not judging. Sometimes (most of the time?) you don’t have milk so just taking a bite of these delectable taste treats is fine.
KJ Adams loves the pick and roll. He also loves to dunk. And KU fans are loving KJ Adams more and more each time he plays. Scored 13 points but could’ve been higher if he would’ve made more than one free throw in four attempts.
3.5 Stars: Cookies and Cream everything else
As evidenced above, I love cookies and cream, but unless it’s ice cream, it usually falls short. Still tasty though.
It was a gutsy effort from Kevin McCullar who was clearly hampered with those back spasms. I thought his toughness and basketball IQ shined in this game where he clearly wasn’t himself. He didn't force anything, which was nice.
3 Stars: Twisting in half and eating the side with less cream first
See, this way you get that second bite to be half cream and half wafer. The downside is that the first half is only wafer.
Unlike McCullar, Joe Yesufu likes to force things. This can be great (when he drove at pace and kicked it to Dick for an open three) or completely stupid (shooting a guarded three early in the shot clock). Unfortunately, Yesufu tends to choose option B far too often.
I liked the minutes that Ernest Udeh gave KU in this one, but his four fouls were too many for the amount of time he played.
2 Stars: Twisting in half and licking the icing
Those licks sure are delicious, but now you’re left with two wafers and let’s face it, the filling makes the wafer good. No one would just buy the wafers and eat them. That’s lunacy.
No one was a two star.
1 Star: Not eating them
Why would you deprive yourself of this glorious tasty cookie?
No one was a one star.
Chris Teahan Memorial No Star:
Bobby Pettiford missed a three and fumbled the ball away at the end of the first half.
