Kansas Jayhawks vs Seton Hall: Player Ratings to the Theme of Pirates
In this story:
You knew it was coming. Kansas plays Seton Hall and we are obligated to compare the performances to pirates. It’s in my contract to make obvious connections like this. Here's how the system works:
5 Stars: Out of this world performance. This is a hard to achieve rating and is only reserved for the most impressive or impressionable performances.
4.5 Stars: Very strong performance, packed the stat sheet, provided undeniable intangibles.
4 Stars: A strong performance that falls just short of the standards above.
3 Stars: Average performance. Also could be a very strong game in one aspect but a very poor game in another such as 15 points but seven turnovers. Could also be that the player played, did their job, but didn't do much spectacularly.
2 Stars: Below average performance, or we simply have higher expectations for the player on this particular night.
1 Star: Rare, but if a player has a stinker in all aspects.
Memorial No Star: Named after a former KU walk-on or obscure player and is awarded to the player(s) who didn't have enough playing time to contribute or whose performance isn't worthy of a rating for another reason.
5 Stars: Roberto Clemente
The greatest Pittsburgh Pirate of all time, and one of the greatest humanitarians that the game of baseball has ever known. This was the obvious number one.
No Jayhawk could be compared to Clemente's greatness.
4.5 Stars: Captain Morgan
Even if you don’t drink it now, there was probably a time when you imbibed the sweet spiced nectar that is Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum. And for that, he catapults near the top of this list.
Seventeen points, 11 rebounds, three of four from deep and coming off an injury. Kevin McCullar had the best night on a very steady (offensive) night for the Jayhawks.
4 Stars: Edward Teach aka Black Beard
You learn something every day they say, and today I learned that Black Beard only pirated for about two years and that he disliked violence except when necessary. Interesting.
Jalen Wilson had yet another triple double with 17 and 13. Not bad for a bit of an off night.
Ernest Udeh slammed the ball home on all four of his field goals and nailed both of his are throws. He was perfect (offensively) on the night.
KJ Adams somehow had zero rebounds, but he did score 10 on four of five shooting and even canned all three of his freebies. Three assists and three steals rounded out a nice game for KJ.
Gradey Dick started cooking in the second half and finished with a pretty anonymous 15. Only made one three.
Captain consistency Dajuan Harris did it again. Ten points, seven assists, one turnover. You'll take it every game. And Joe Yesufu contributed six on 50% shooting. A nice day for KU's backcourt.
3 Stars: Long John Silver
I remember when I read Treasure Island for the first time and this guy popped onto the scene, and all I could think was “like the fish restaurant” and that kind of ruined a good book for me.
The rest of the non walk ons go here. MJ Rice finished the game nicely. Zach Clemence should probably stop taking threes. Zuby Ejiofor made both of his free throws.
2 Stars: Long John Silver’s/Captain D’s
I don’t know why I dislike the idea of fast food fish, but I do. Probably has to do with being in the Midwest. Still, we used to eat this all the time when I was a kid for some reason. The reason was most likely because it was the cheapest option. I will eat fast food fish and chips if I'm on the coast, but for some reason, these places don't do it for me.
Luckily, no one had to be compared to fast food fish.
1 Star: Johnny Depp
Not a fan. Feel free to disagree.
No one was a one star.
Chris Teahan Memorial No Star:
Dillon Wilhite and Michael Jankovich got some courtesy minutes.
