Kansas vs. Kansas City: Player Ratings to the Theme of Australian Animals

Kansas beat UMKC in another drab performance.

Author:
Derek Noll
Publish date:
Dec 6, 2023 11:19 AM EST

In this story:

While the Kansas/Kansas City game wasn't all that interesting (at least for those of us that predicted a Kansas blowout), the land down under is full of interesting animals. And in honor of the Kansas City Kangaroos and their very unique mascot, we’ll dig deeper into the world of Australian wildlife in today’s ratings.

The tried and true, scientifically based “rules” are below, but if you know the parameters, feel free to use the table of contents and get right to good stuff.

5 Stars: Out of this world performance. This is a hard to achieve rating and is only reserved for the most impressive or impressionable performances.

4.5 Stars: Very strong performance, packed the stat sheet, provided undeniable intangibles.

4 Stars: A strong performance that falls just short of the standards above.

3.5 Stars: Above average performance, perhaps stands out in one category or one aspect of the game.

3 Stars: Average performance. Also could be a very strong game in one aspect but a very poor game in another such as 15 points but seven turnovers. Could also be that the player played, did their job, but didn't do much spectacularly.

2 Stars: Below average performance, or we simply have higher expectations for the player on this particular night.

1 Star: Rare, but if a player has a stinker in all aspects.

Memorial No Star: Named after former KU walk-on Chris Teahan and is awarded to the player(s) who didn't have enough playing time to contribute or whose performance isn't worthy of a rating for another reason.

5 Stars: Kangaroos

The symbol of an entire nation has to be the five star.

In what should have been a blowout given that Kansas City couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn in the first several minutes of the game and in that time looked as if it didn't know what organized offense was, no one is awarded a five star.

4.5 Stars: Koalas

Or is the Koala the symbol of a nation? Not sure, but think of this as the closest to a five that a four and a half has been.

Kev McKJ was a very good player in this one. Kevin McCullar paced the Jayhawks in the first half on his way to a career high 25 points while KJ Adams scored 16 of his 18 in the second frame to push the Jayhawks past the Kangaroos. And each were also quite good in the other statistical categories as well. Adams had seven points and six assists while McCullar had six rebounds and five assists.

4 Stars: Platypus

A mammal with a duck bill and the ability to lay eggs? If it weren’t for the top two, this creature would be an easy number one.

Johnny Furphy came on late for KU with a steal, two quick layups, and a late three to add to the one he canned previously in the half. He finished the night with 10 points.

3.5 Stars: Dingo

I'm not really even sure what a dingo is, but Elaine from Seinfeld apparently did when she screamed out “Maybe the dingo ate your baby!” at a party on Long Island. This Seinfeld quote earns this animal a higher ranking than it deserves.

Fourteen points and 12 rebounds will normally score you pretty high in these ratings, but Hunter Dickinson just seemed off against Kansas City. He was six of twelve from the floor, missing both of his three point attempts. His frustration manifested itself when he was whistled for a Flagrant One foul for chucking Jeff Ngandu to the floor.

Dajuan Harris was two of three from three point land and added seven assists. He could’ve had a few more but his teammates bobbled a few nice passes away.

Parker Braun played pretty well in this one, scoring five and grabbing three boards in ten minutes.

3 Stars: Tasmanian Devil

I used to think that the Looney Tunes’ Tasmanian Devil was a completely made up creature, and when you get old enough to realize that it’s a real animal, you become disappointed in the real thing.

Elmarko Jackson just leaves you wanting more. He passed up a few open looks behind the arc and in general doesn’t seem like a guy who knows his role yet. He attempted only five shots in the game and finished with five points and three assists.

2 Stars: Snakes

Nope. Many, many snakes can kill you in Australia. They are a legit reason to not visit.

Nick Timberlake was one of five from three point land, the one thing he was brought to Kansas to do. If he doesn’t make these shots, what’s the point?

1 Star: Spiders

Bigger nope. The only reason these are worse than spiders is because they are more prevalent. And have you ever seen that video of an Australian spider eating a chicken? Don’t do it.

No one was a one-star.