At its core, sports on TV is simply a prop for beer sales. The viewer essentially must answer the question: What's more important to you, Coors Light's "cold-activated can" or Miller Lite's "taste protector lid"? This marketing malarkey reminds me of another reason I stand proudly with the good folks at Pabst Blue Ribbon -- they don't advertise.
Alas, Couch Slouch remains America's Viewer and, thus, America's Commercial Viewer, America's Slogan Buster and America's Product Tester, which brings us to our annual fall survey of the vast wasteland of ads littering televised sports:
(Column Intermission: My Player of Destiny, teenage wunderkind