The internet is full of odd content, but a new commercial featuring Browns punter Britton Colquitt goes above and beyond the usual standard of strange.
The minute-long local ad is making the rounds on Twitter today thanks to user @EyeonOhio. Just... just watch:
There's a lot to unpack here. First, some context. The ad is from Power Home Solar & Roofing, who posted it on YouTube on Nov. 7. From the video, we see the adult is Jayson and the kid's name is Christian, but the YouTube description gives a little more background:
"To help spread the word about our new partnership with the Cleveland Browns, Power Home Solar CEO Jayson Waller created a fun commercial with the help of his son and Browns punter Britton Colquitt. It is indeed amazing what solar power can do for your home! Power Home will be installing solar panels at FirstEnergy Stadium, making the Browns the second NFL franchise to have solar panels installed by Power Home."
With that out of the way, let's go ahead and break down the three strangest aspects of the commercial.
1. The dog
WHY IS THERE A TALKING DOG? Here I am, puzzled grin on my face as I watch the cringe-worthy dance moves and acting of Colquitt and the Wallers, and then my jaw just drops when they cut to the dog. I have so many questions. Why? Why is the dog in a car? Can any dog be a Solar Dog or does it take years of special training? Does that dog have human teeth? Did his or her human leave Solar Dog in there by themself with the window rolled completely down? I'm appalled.
2. The flossing
The dance being performed here is the "floss," a move popularized by the internet that has become the go-to for children between the ages of 7 and 14 who play Fortnite every day. Unsurprisingly, the kid is by far the best flosser in the commercial. It's practically a requirement that American youth within the previously stated age group know how to floss. If you have kids or have been to a sporting event recently and watched the dance cam on the jumbotron during a stoppage, you know what I'm talking about. The technique from the adults, meanwhile, leaves a lot to be desired. In the opening scene, Jayson is just doing entirely too much with his hips. You don't need to rotate your torso that much. Plus, his timing is totally off during that brief second when it cuts back to the whole group. Colquitt suffers from the same afflictions during his flossing scene. Too much rotation, too much action with the hips. The fact that the adults are even flossing is bizarre. Why not just let the kid do it?
3. The punt
This commercial clearly takes place in an alternate universe. In said universe, we know several things to be true:
1) Colquitt practices in a completely empty stadium by himself
2) Colquitt can punt the ball out of the stadium
3) By doing so, he can create the solar energy to power all of the solar panels in FirstEnergy Stadium
4) Dogs can talk
If this were a punter like the Eagles' Cameron Johnston or the Seahawks' Michael Dickson, it would be more believable. Colquitt is 15th in the NFL with a 44.9-yard punting average. But I guess the dog did say that getting Power Home Solar grants the ability to punt the ball out of the stadium and dance extremely well. So anyone can do it, in theory. Give the director credit, though—those pre-punt special effects should seriously be considered for an Academy Award.
There are infinite other things to discuss here, including the acting (Colquitt is particularly awful), the fact that the kid's jersey says POWERHOME on the back, and how one becomes a Solar Coach. However, I think it's time to log off of the internet for a while.