Former NFL lineman Kyle Turley admits having suicidal thoughts

Former NFL lineman Kyle Turley said recently he has suicidal thoughts. (Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

Former NFL player Kyle Turley is struggling after retirement. He has trouble sleeping, wakes up in pain after years of playing football and doesn't know what the future holds.

Turley, a former offensive lineman for the New Orleans Saints, Kansas City Chiefs, and St. Louis Rams, says he has had suicidal thoughts and takes medicine to control fears of mental issues. Turley also says he recently had about 30 bone chips removed from his left shoulder and his doctor said his shoulder looked like a snow globe.

“I've got young kids,” Turley, a father of a 2-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old son, told the San Diego Union-Tribune. “It's scary as hell. It keeps me up at night. It's something that weighs on me heavily.”

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The retired All-Pro offensive tackle and former All-American at San Diego State has a message, and it's flagged as urgent. He takes two pills a day, morning and night, to control a mind he fears will prove degenerative over time. He fights intense impulses that unpredictably come and go. As for where all this is headed, he fears the worst.

"No one in my family has ever gone crazy and killed themselves or thought about that,” Turley said. “I have. It's not a thought that is fleeting. It's a thought that goes away when I'm on my medication, and the thought of doing a lot of crazy things as well and making unbelievable decisions.”