Never before have I seen a baseball game like this.
If, during the middle of the ninth inning, Deshaun Watson ran onto the field, scrambled for 15 seconds, and chucked a touchdown, I would not have batted an eye.
Everyone homered. No one made any outs. A slightly faster man than Brian McCann pinch ran and scored in the bottom of the 10th on an Alex Bregman (who else?) single.
How can you top this? You can't. No one can. Sports are better than they've ever been. And we're supposed to be mad the balls are juiced?
Legally, I can't even believe we got here.
Huh. Game must've got off on a technicality.
This cracked-out baby is all of us right now, thinking about work (!) in the morning (!!).
But give Houston credit. The balls were juiced, the bats were made of metal, but hey, the game still has to get played between the lines.
As things dragged deeper and deeper into a pit of pure joy, some wondered if we'd even be able to eat Almond Joys and Reese's Cups on Tuesday.
WE'RE BUSY, KIDS! SHADDUP!
Hey, no excuses. This game was pure, uncut baseball. And papa needs more.
Did you see every dinger? You probably didn't see every dinger.
It was a long game, ladies and gentlemen.
How long was it?!
I said, HOW. LONG. WAS IT?!
By the time it actually did end, the real final score blew us away.
Not a typo.
Not gonna lie: we went from Rowengartner to Full Zimmer over here.
We're all on the edge of our seats. But this game matters a LITTLE more to one specific person.
Case closed. Baseball's good, y'all.