The long (long, long) awaited fight between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather has finally been arranged, and while there is sure to be plenty of debate over who will win on May 2, we want to know how the battle would go if it were decided by something other than boxing. Here, then, are 10 rounds of outside-the-ring action. See if your scorecard agrees with ours.
Round 1: Best Karaoke Singer
In the left corner, we have Manny Pacquiao, the singer behind two wildly successful albums and an incredibly rousing rendition of "Let It Go." In the right corner, we have Floyd Mayweather... occasional amateur singer of Ellie Goulding's "Lights." We give the round to Mayweather, but we understand if you disagree.
Round 2: Best Dancer
Manny Pacquiao may dance well in the ring but he hasn't shown the same pizzazz that Floyd has on the dance floor. Pacquiao dances to "Gangnam Style" about as well as your uncle after a couple of drinks. Meanwhile, Mayweather was on Season 5 of "Dancing With the Stars" and didn't end up in last place. Another round to Mayweather?
Round 3: Best Actor
Pacquiao has starred in a handful of movies, although none appear to have been successful commercially or critically. He also played Manny Santos in the Phillipine sitcom Show Me the Manny and has a few other titles to his credit. Aside from some documentaries, Mayweather's main acting credit comes in the form of a small part in Kevin Hart's Think Like a Man Too, where he plays... Floyd Mayweather. He doesn't display much range in the role but he's very believable playing a boxer who seems at ease being mobbed by the occasional fan. On volume alone, we'd give the round to Pacquiao.
Round 4: Best Basketball Player
Pacquiao is an honorary member of the Boston Celtics and is player-coach for the Kia Motors Basketball team that he owns in the Philippine Basketball Association. This amusing video footage of him with Charles Barkley and Reggie Miller is revealing, and not exactly in a good way. Mayweather, on the other hand, shows off his range in a recent video and has the distinction of hosting his own celebrity basketball game from time to time. This round may be a jumpball in the eyes of some, but we'd give it to Mayweather.
Round 5: Best Nickname
Money and Pac-Man are two of the best nicknames ever for a pair of boxers, so we'll call that part a draw. As for their secondary nicknames, Mayweather is also known as Pretty Boy and The Best Ever. The latter lacks a little imagination and Pretty Boy isn't the most intimidating of nicknames. Pacquiao's other nicknames (The Nation's Fist, National Godfather, Fighting Pride of the Philippines) pretty much all reference his standing as one of the most prominent Filipinos on the planet. The Nation's Fist gives Pacquiao the edge on our card.
Round 6: Best Pro Wrestling Cameo
Mayweather took out the Big Show in impressive fashion at WrestleMania XXIV in 2012 while Manny showed some promise in a wrestling training session. Until Pacquaio actually climbs into the ring against pro wrestling's finest, Mayweather wins this round with ease.
Round 7: Best Political Career
Pacquiao is a two-time Congressman in the Philippine House of Representatives (he ran unopposed in the 2013 election). He's also thrown his weight around in U.S. politics. Mayweather has shown next to no interest in politics and couldn't even win a straw poll when media outlets started asking voters who they'd pick in a matchup between Mayweather and MMA champion Ronda Rousey, who Mayweather once dissed by claiming not to know who she was. A landslide for Pacquiao.
Round 8: Best Posse
Floyd Mayweather hangs out with celebrities of all stripes. The man is basically the physical embodiment of Hollywood tabloid amateur fan fiction. The net worth of Mayweather's connections could probably buy half the planet. Pacquiao is no slouch when it comes to the posse department; one could say that the entire nation of the Philippines backs him. The man is a national phenomenon and Congressman. Still, when one can claim that they're friends with Justin Bieber and Warren Buffett? That's not just uniting a nation, that's bridging the gap of the impossible. Advantage: Mayweather.
Round 9: Best Celebrity Beef
Floyd Mayweather and 50 Cent were involved in one of the most memorable social media beefs to hit the internet last year as the names "50 Cent," "Floyd Mayweather," and "Harry Potter" somehow found their ways into headlines centered around the same story. Meanwhile, the only person Pacquiao seemed to beef with last year was Mayweather, and even those instances tended to be pretty tame. Who calls someone a "boxing humbug" without breaking out into laughter? Mayweather wins.
Round 10: Best Bank Account
Numbers don't lie and neither does Mayweather's Instagram. He was the highest paid athlete in the world last year, according to Fortune, as he earned a whopping $105 million. Even more impressively, Mayweather accumulated all that money without a single endorsement deal. Pacquiao trailed far behind, "only" earning $41.8 million in 2014, a year after having his bank accounts frozen over back taxes he owed. A decisive victory to Mayweather.
That's 7-3 on our cards. Let's hope the fight in Vegas is closer than that.